I added this comment/question to two existing threads yesterday. I received three lovely responses and thought maybe there are others who are navigating this new-to-me situation. We have a 3 year old girl in our program. She has a "mama", who gave birth to her. The mama identifies as they/them. The child also has a "papa" who identifies as he/him. I am completely comfortable with family diversity, and diversity in general. Here is my delimma. This child's parents want us to refer to her as they/them. This is their preference, not their child's. I am wondering how it affects all of the children when one is singled out like this. This child is not in my classroom yet, but will be next year. I want to have some conversations with the parents about why this is something they feel so strongly about. Her current classroom teachers mostly go along with the request although they "slip up" a lot. In my pre-K classroom, I know there will be many questions about this. "Is she a girl or a boy?" "She has girl parts--why do you call her they"?

I have really been thinking about gender words and whether they're appropriate or not in early childhood settings. It seems to me that there should be some choice involved, but is it the parents' place to make this choice for their child? How confusing is it for other children to go by he/she, her/him...and one child to only be called they? If I was going to do a thesis I would call it Elminating Gender Words in Early Childhood Programs--Can we do it? Would we want to? I also think about male/female equality--how far we've come, and how far we still need to go. Do gender words, or lack thereof, move us forward, or set us back? I am against gender bias and gender conformity, however the words for gender itself...I don't know. Especially at such a young age. What do you think?

For context, I am 62 years young and have spent the past 43 of them working in ECE. I have an AAS in ECE with a Director's emphasis, and am currently enrolled in an online Bachelor's program. Pronouns were not a "thing" in the 80s, 90s, or even the early 2000s. I strive to stay current, but have not found much research on this relatively new topic. I have lots of great childrens' books, and through this post have had several more suggested to me. I have a 27 year old of my own who does not fit neatly into any category, although she does identify as female. My husband-like person also has a daughter who is a they, so I am comfortable with this subject in general--I've just never experienced it being requested on another's behalf, and at the tender age of 2. Also, I live in Las Vegas, NV which is not exactly cutting edge when it comes to anything involving education--or children. Even in a lab school program at a college, it's difficult to start a dialog about such a sensitive subject. Thank you in advance for your insight and feedback.

Amy,

I feel that as educators we need to promote UDL and embrace inclusion.  There are great books that talks about diversity. 

The program has a protocol in place and our job is to meet the child where they are at and attend their needs. I feel that we cannot put labels on children. Some research shows that around 3 years old a child is aware of its race and gender. There are great books for the gender neutral subject.

I was subbing for the past 2 days in a head start school. During carpet time they say a boy needs to sit next to a girl then a boy then a girl. They still use no thank you with pre-schoolers. What does no, thank you model? What behavior we want to see or scaffolding?

Children notices that other children with IEP might have more privileges in the classroom but I disagree that they will question the use of they/them. It is a simple example, Paula shared with us that they picked apples with their family last weekend. 

Bayat, M. (2023). Teaching exceptional children: Foundations and best practices for inclusive early childhood classrooms (3^rd ed.). New York: Routledge.