Open Discussion Forum

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I wish I had advice for you, but what I really want to do is give you a virtual hug! I'm so super impressed by all the work you are doing and the many things you are trying. Please take a mental step back and imagine you are someone else looking at your work from a distance. Wouldn't you be impressed at all the efforts and amazing things going on?! Give yourself grace. I know you are frustrated, but the children who are working with you are VERY lucky!!

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

Lauriann I agree with Pam, I'd love to give you a virtual hug!  And I thought my job was difficult with two coteachers, you are doing this by yourself.  But there is help out there.  Christi has some good suggestions for you and I would encourage you to take advantage of them not only for the children but for you as well.

I wish I had advice for you, but what I really want to do is give you a virtual hug! I'm so super impressed by all the work you are doing and the many things you are trying. Please take a mental step back and imagine you are someone else looking at your work from a distance. Wouldn't you be impressed at all the efforts and amazing things going on?! Give yourself grace. I know you are frustrated, but the children who are working with you are VERY lucky!!

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I wish I had advice for you, but what I really want to do is give you a virtual hug! I'm so super impressed by all the work you are doing and the many things you are trying. Please take a mental step back and imagine you are someone else looking at your work from a distance. Wouldn't you be impressed at all the efforts and amazing things going on?! Give yourself grace. I know you are frustrated, but the children who are working with you are VERY lucky!!

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

Hi Lauriann,

It is clear from your description that you days are challenging, busy, and frustrating as you try your best to provide each child with the care each specifically needs. Caring for children can be overwhelming because do you care and want the best for each child.

There are resource people with whom you might be able to collaborate.

Contact your local Child Care Resource and Referral. They may have Behavior Consultants, Early Childhood Specialists and others who could observe and provide a different perspective.

A public health nurse might also be a resource who would come and visit and provide a perspective and suggestions. 

It is not that these people know the children better than you. It is just that it is helpful to have a different perspective and have someone with whom to generate solutions.

Right now, you need support as well as the children and contacting other professionals might help you feel that you are not alone.

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

Hi Lauriann,

It is clear from your description that you days are challenging, busy, and frustrating as you try your best to provide each child with the care each specifically needs. Caring for children can be overwhelming because do you care and want the best for each child.

There are resource people with whom you might be able to collaborate.

Contact your local Child Care Resource and Referral. They may have Behavior Consultants, Early Childhood Specialists and others who could observe and provide a different perspective.

A public health nurse might also be a resource who would come and visit and provide a perspective and suggestions. 

It is not that these people know the children better than you. It is just that it is helpful to have a different perspective and have someone with whom to generate solutions.

Right now, you need support as well as the children and contacting other professionals might help you feel that you are not alone.

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I cannot solve this problem for you but can tell you two things I've learned:

1. Delaying Kindergarten is not the answer. There is a large body of research on this issue from years ago to present. It all says the same thing. Retention does not work. Delaying kindergarten is a form of retention. Instead, the child benefits from some kind of intervention that addresses the problem. When kids are held back the assumption is that maturation will fix the problem. This is rarely the case. Something different than the usual needs to done to help the child.
2. Parents are key to helping the child change. I had a 4-year-old who was starting to show oppositional behavior. I was complaining about her in a text to a cousin who lives in another part the country. I was just venting. I forgot that he was a clinical psychologist! He texted back with lots of info. The key was parents. He said the parents were the only people who could fix this problem and if it didn't get fixed while she was 4 it would likely become a very sticky problem much harder to impact in later years. He advised the parents to use what he called "parental power." Essentially setting limits,  and making sure consequences were consistent. I passed the text on to the parents. It had some additional specifics. This pair was amazing. It took 6 to 8 weeks but their daughter's behavior did change for the better. The child and I were lucky that her parents recognized the problem. The two of them worked REALLY hard with their daughter. It had to be exhausting since they also had a 1-year-old son. The last time I saw the girl she was 7 and delightful.

Given that the parents you described seem to be in denial and/or have unrealistic expectations for child behavior your problem is more complex. All I can advise is encouraging them to seek mental health services, specifically someone who operates from the family systems perspective. Family systems therapists view the family as a system and that to help one family member the entire family must be recognized because in some way or another they are affecting the child with the problem behavior. We often don't think about what a psychologist can do for a family. Even with a cousin in the counseling field and growing up with a father who was a psychiatice social worker, I still tend to think of psychologists as people who treat adults. They help kids too. It also sounds like you need some mental health help to deal with this problem. Just don't encourage kindergarten retention!

------------------------------
Loraine Dunn
Provider
Only Toddlers
OK

Original Message:
Sent: 04-27-2024 11:32 AM
From: Lauriann Bradford
Subject: Living in Limbic

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

Hi Lauriann,

So sorry to hear about this really difficult situation. Here's some thoughts that might help.

It sounds like Girl A might be identified as a child with special needs. I contacted the Nevada Dept of Education and confirmed that if this child is evaluated, and found to be eligible for services, that a special education teacher could be provided in the educational setting (a shadow). This girl seems to have needs that are way beyond typical. Thus, if she qualifies for services, and if they can be placed in your location, that this could really help the girl and you. Call Dalila 7027997479 in Las Vegas. 

Another posssible help might be Prerna Richards. I recently met her, had some very positive conversations with her, and heard her present this week. She has many suggestions about how to work with children like Girl A, and she has a coaching program. Learn more here. https://togetherwegrow.online/ 

Finally, if you are having trouble getting parent/guardian consent then I could help with tips as working with parents is my specialty. Contact me if you would like tips on this. I have some free tips on this topic at www.youngchildlearning.com  

All the best with this situation and reach out to me if you'd like further thoughts. 

Best, Scott

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

Hi Lauriann,

So sorry to hear about this really difficult situation. Here's some thoughts that might help.

It sounds like Girl A might be identified as a child with special needs. I contacted the Nevada Dept of Education and confirmed that if this child is evaluated, and found to be eligible for services, that a special education teacher could be provided in the educational setting (a shadow). This girl seems to have needs that are way beyond typical. Thus, if she qualifies for services, and if they can be placed in your location, that this could really help the girl and you. Call Dalila 7027997479 in Las Vegas. 

Another posssible help might be Prerna Richards. I recently met her, had some very positive conversations with her, and heard her present this week. She has many suggestions about how to work with children like Girl A, and she has a coaching program. Learn more here. https://togetherwegrow.online/ 

Finally, if you are having trouble getting parent/guardian consent then I could help with tips as working with parents is my specialty. Contact me if you would like tips on this. I have some free tips on this topic at www.youngchildlearning.com  

All the best with this situation and reach out to me if you'd like further thoughts. 

Best, Scott

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I have been very impressed by the special education providers in Las Vegas. In 1989 my cousin, who lived in Las Vegas, gave birth to quadruplets. Consistent with research the two boys had the more long term consequences of all 4 11-weeks premature children. One boy is severely hearing impaired. But thanks to the special education staff he functions fine in society and does a good job of listening to and communicating with people in the hearing world. The second little boy has autism and will always need a guardian. Around age 10 or 11 his speech was extremely limited. We took him and his brothers and sisters to a pizza place that had arcade games. We left to go home to the cookout his dad planned. I drug him through the parking lot while he repeatedly yelled the slogan for the pizza place. He was unable to listen to my explanation of why we were not getting a pizza. That was the most speech I heard from him during my visit. I live in Oklahoma so did not see the children frequently. Around age 18 or 19 he greeted me saying "Hello Aunt Loraine, I am very glad to see you." I almost cried. Between age 10 and 19 special education professionals in Las Vegas helped him become a young man who can communicate with the non-disabled world. I will always be grateful for their contribution to my family.

Hi Lauriann,

So sorry to hear about this really difficult situation. Here's some thoughts that might help.

It sounds like Girl A might be identified as a child with special needs. I contacted the Nevada Dept of Education and confirmed that if this child is evaluated, and found to be eligible for services, that a special education teacher could be provided in the educational setting (a shadow). This girl seems to have needs that are way beyond typical. Thus, if she qualifies for services, and if they can be placed in your location, that this could really help the girl and you. Call Dalila 7027997479 in Las Vegas. 

Another posssible help might be Prerna Richards. I recently met her, had some very positive conversations with her, and heard her present this week. She has many suggestions about how to work with children like Girl A, and she has a coaching program. Learn more here. https://togetherwegrow.online/ 

Finally, if you are having trouble getting parent/guardian consent then I could help with tips as working with parents is my specialty. Contact me if you would like tips on this. I have some free tips on this topic at www.youngchildlearning.com  

All the best with this situation and reach out to me if you'd like further thoughts. 

Best, Scott

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation" 

I have been very impressed by the special education providers in Las Vegas. In 1989 my cousin, who lived in Las Vegas, gave birth to quadruplets. Consistent with research the two boys had the more long term consequences of all 4 11-weeks premature children. One boy is severely hearing impaired. But thanks to the special education staff he functions fine in society and does a good job of listening to and communicating with people in the hearing world. The second little boy has autism and will always need a guardian. Around age 10 or 11 his speech was extremely limited. We took him and his brothers and sisters to a pizza place that had arcade games. We left to go home to the cookout his dad planned. I drug him through the parking lot while he repeatedly yelled the slogan for the pizza place. He was unable to listen to my explanation of why we were not getting a pizza. That was the most speech I heard from him during my visit. I live in Oklahoma so did not see the children frequently. Around age 18 or 19 he greeted me saying "Hello Aunt Loraine, I am very glad to see you." I almost cried. Between age 10 and 19 special education professionals in Las Vegas helped him become a young man who can communicate with the non-disabled world. I will always be grateful for their contribution to my family.

Hi Lauriann,

So sorry to hear about this really difficult situation. Here's some thoughts that might help.

It sounds like Girl A might be identified as a child with special needs. I contacted the Nevada Dept of Education and confirmed that if this child is evaluated, and found to be eligible for services, that a special education teacher could be provided in the educational setting (a shadow). This girl seems to have needs that are way beyond typical. Thus, if she qualifies for services, and if they can be placed in your location, that this could really help the girl and you. Call Dalila 7027997479 in Las Vegas. 

Another posssible help might be Prerna Richards. I recently met her, had some very positive conversations with her, and heard her present this week. She has many suggestions about how to work with children like Girl A, and she has a coaching program. Learn more here. https://togetherwegrow.online/ 

Finally, if you are having trouble getting parent/guardian consent then I could help with tips as working with parents is my specialty. Contact me if you would like tips on this. I have some free tips on this topic at www.youngchildlearning.com  

All the best with this situation and reach out to me if you'd like further thoughts. 

Best, Scott

I need some help, or at least to vent a bit. I have a family daycare and am in the process of trying to get licensed. I currently care for (and homeschool) my 7 y/o granddaughter, two 5 y/o's, and on alternating days a 4 y/o and 3.9 y/o - all girls. One of my kiddos is a 5.9 y/o girl (Girl A) that I know well as I am friends with one of her grandparents and we have previously camped together with the girls. Well, she practically lives in her limbic system. She will go into an extreme crying or anxiety state at the smallest things (someone disagreed with her, she didn't get the color she wanted, someone said something she didn't like, a tiny bump, etc). I could go into much detail about her infancy, but suffice to say that there was homelessness, parents with generational trauma, and other issues that have probably contributed a great deal to her brain development. She is a sweet girl and I love her to pieces but I have two other children that trigger her daily. As a former EMT-I I have seen people in severe anxiety states when they are shaking violently. She often does this. 

The two kids that are the most triggering for girl A (and all the kids): 

One is an almost 4 y/o that is very behind in the SE development and I am pretty positive that there is a spectrum issue and proprioception delay there (or SOMETHING). She literally crashes through the day - into kids and their work. The parents had her tested at 2 years and said they were told she was not autistic. She is very bright and knows all her upper and lower case letters, one-to-one counting to at least 20 and more, and is also very sweet and loving, but can switch gears quickly and become very defiant and will not look at you directly (but will covertly check to see if you are watching her when she is going to do something that she knows she shouldn't). She does not follow directions, can't sit still, wanders or pesters during story/circle times and will also completely ignore you and run off which means I cannot take her out of the yard for safety reasons), grab things from the other kiddos, etc. 

The other is an extremely bright 5.10 y/o girl who is a bit controlling and cannot stand to be "wrong" - she will shut down and glare at you. Academically she is reading at a beginning first grade level and grasps concepts super quick. But, she can be a bit spiteful and contrary and will do things like tell another child to ask me a question that I have already told her the answer to and not to keep asking, or tell them what they can or can't do. 

The bickering and screaming had me at the end of my wits this week, enough to actually sit and write this. With girl A, it's not the normal crying, it is the crying at decibels that would indicate her arm being cut off and trembling/shaking like she just escaped a lion (which her nervous system apparently thinks). Her parents are aware and think she will grow out of it. One parent is Japanese and grew up there. There are extremely high expectations (I was asked if I had a syllabus when she was enrolled and the expectation is that she will excel and being doing nearly first grade work going into kindergarten). The parent is very supportive in many ways, but neither parent believe that she would benefit from delaying kindergarten one more year or that she needs outside support. I have brought up testing for perceptual motor and retained primitive reflexes but they are convinced she is fine. I think that she has a bit of nystagmus, but since I am not a therapist, I can't say. She has real problems with rhyming but is otherwise doing pretty well. Well, the other thing that I am noticing, and not just with her, is giving up when anything is "too hard" and falling apart. I am really concerned that she is going to be miserable in kindergarten. 

I have done everything that I know, but I am sure that more experienced teachers have dealt with these and may have other ideas. I have set up a calming corner with special stuffies, Yoga games, a "zen garden" with sand and decorations, a binder of things they can do, posters with reminders to breathe and other suggestions, child safe blends of essential oils that they can use, and we have a puppet named "Glitter Sparkle" that reads them books and role plays on emotional learning (and girl A does use and do many of these things). I have given them "scripts"  and songs about personal space, asking for toys/saying you can have it when I'm done, etc. 

I am starting to feel that I might need to pivot into reading tutoring or something and that I cannot do this. I only have 5 kids, but all but one seem to have social or neurological issues and I do not have an aide to help when one needs one-on-one. I am barely getting any "lessons" done and by the end of the day, I have no energy for planning and prepping. I go to bed at like 8am and am up at 5; and my weekends are trying to cram in all my personal chores ( I have ducks, chickens, aquariums, cats, and do all the maintenance on our property) as well as doing food planning/shopping/prepping and lesson prep, cleaning, etc.  Anyway, I know there are others is way worse situations and feel like I should be able to handle this. I guess I am just worried about how to handle new younger kids( 3-4 y/os) along with the child with the severe SE issues when I lose my two kiddos heading to kindergarten (as well as worrying about how Girl A is going to fare there).

As an aside, I am a nutritional therapy practitioner and have studied functional neurology and health issues for decades. I am currently doing therapy for my granddaughter. I am very familiar with brain development and disorders because all my children had various issues - what used to be called Aspergers, OCD, ODD, severe ADHD, auditory processing, bipolar, etc, and I had to become my own "expert" because the school system here failed us. I have taken classes from well respected doctors and therapists on retained primitive reflexes, perceptual motor development, etc. I have set up a perceptual motor learning lab with just about every ball, swing, balance toy, etc. And I am still at a loss because I am so exhausted and overwhelmed. I can't even imagine how hard it is for others with more than 5 kids and less experience with behavior/brain/development issues. I feel like such a failure right now. Like, I should be doing so much more for these kids because I "know" more and yet... Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any encouragement. I know things will get better, but boy am I looking forward to the end of July when I have 2 weeks "vacation"