Good Morning Ms Edna Brown, Thank you for your question 🙋🏽♀️!Disrespectful behavior has been occurring in some preschools with children calling other children and calling ADULTS !!, educator adults out of their names.! Disrespect by not following the rules. One case example I know of was when an Educator was placed at the daycare as a substitute! I have always heard as a young adult (who never picked up her ID to be a substitute teacher), that "those kids will eat you up!!!!This habitual behavior is coming from 3-5 year olds.
.CynthiaGlenside, Philadelphia area of Pennsylvania
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The old saying of "spare the rod, spoil the child" can easily be a factor with parents now a days. I hear 👂🏽 that it starts at home 🏡.CynthiaGlenside, Philadelphia area of Pennsylvania
------------------------------Cynthia Johnson-ReedGlenside PAOriginal Message:Sent: 10-23-2021 03:34 AMFrom: Edna BrownSubject: Behaviors of Children in preschoolHi Cynthia could you be more explicit regarding children who have disrespectful attitudes in preschool. Young children are like sponges. Therefore, we as adults should present ourselves as positive role models. As educators we should let the children know that we do not allow that type of behavior in our school. Please give an example of disrespectful behavior.Edna BrownLancaster, CA------------------------------Edna BrownLancaster CAOriginal Message:Sent: 10-23-2021 12:47 AMFrom: Julie BankstonSubject: Behaviors of Children in preschoolKids today are lacking the teaching from the Bible kids do not know who God is.------------------------------Julie BankstonPresident/CEOAmethyst Long Life Learning CenterFort Myers FLOriginal Message:Sent: 10-21-2021 09:53 PMFrom: Cynthia Johnson-ReedSubject: Behaviors of Children in preschoolGood Evening! I am curious to find out how many PreSchool and Early Childhood Care Providers and parents of children in PreSchool and early Childhood Care are experiencing disrespectful attitudes from Children? High disrespect towards adults? I have witnessed the tolerance level in children as young as 3 years old. Is there a collective solution to prevent these habitual behaviors???Cynthia J. ReedGlenside, PA------------------------------Cynthia Johnson-ReedGlenside PA------------------------------
Hi all, and Nora, thanks for stepping in and flagging the tone of this thread; it is unusual for this forum. I think it reflects a level of frustration as well as different cultural assumptions and expectations about child rearing.I can sympathize with the unpleasant feeling of being treated rudely by the children in a classroom, and also the frustration I felt when my own child was rude to me.I read a very interesting book about dealing with teens (a period often seen as a recap of the early years with added terrors,) I'd Listen to My Parents If They'd Just Shut Up: What to Say and Not Say When Parenting Teens, by Anthony Wolf. This author did not shy away from a basic issue: once you decide to stop hitting children, you remove a level of fear from the relationship, in turn, children may behave more rudely. The book is about developing new and better skills, and he really emphasizes playing the long game. Most children who are not hit, do in fact grow up to be respectful, kind, helpful adults. (I hope that the statics of poor outcomes from hitting as a method of discipline speak for themselves.)It was important for me to hear that my experience was normal, my frustration was part of the learning curve, and that I was able to gain the skills to turn this situation around.Let's validate the adult frustration at being treated rudely and know that improved behavior will take time both for the child to grow and learn, and for the adult to learn and practice different skills.If the rude behavior is extreme, and not simply about the child/ren needing time to learn expectations around communication styles, I would reflect on the basic premise that any behavior is a form of communication. What is the child seeking by using this behavior? Perhaps they need attention? It may feel irritating, as if you are rewarding bad behavior by giving it attention, but the need will have to be answered in some meaningful way or it will persist and become worse. As we have all experienced, a child who needs attention will accept your angry attention and demand more of it when they aren't able to get positive attention.
Hi Cynthia,it sounds like you are referring to social skills. I think it would be helpful to recall the different ways that children learn social skills in order to brainstorm the best approach...1. We know that children can learn social skills through modeling. I learned as a provider in my home that the children will speak to me exactly as I speak to them - they can hold up a mirror for us to see and hear ourselves. From then on I was extremely intentional about my choice of words and tried to phrase my communication in the way I prefer to be spoken to. It was an incredible experience for the children as well as myself.2. Another way children learn social skills is by testing theories about what kind of responses result from certain words or behaviors - they are the original behavioral scientists studying us as well as other children all the time. When we are trying to change children's behavior we first have to change our own behavior. Children's brains have an incredible capacity for change and can usually do it in about two weeks as long as the adults are consistent. As adults our brains can still change but we have to work much harder than children do. Sometimes it takes so long for children's behaviors to change because the adults keep doing the same unhelpful behaviors in response to children's serves!3. Some children have sensory processing challenges and the two approaches above may not be enough for them. They will need explicit instruction on appropriate responses. Sometimes all it takes is assuming their intention to connect or ask for space when they say something that we perceive as disrespectful and providing them a more pro-social phrase to replace it. For example if a child shouts, "Go away! I don't want to talk to you!" You can offer, "If you want me to go away you can say, 'I need some space, please.' Want to practice? Here, I'll pretend I don't know you want me to go away and you can say, 'I need some space.'" If you actually walk away when they say that then they will get the result they want and you will start to hear "I need space" instead of "Go away!". If a child doesn't greet people who speak to them then they may need some coaching for serve and return conversations. No matter which strategies you employ with children who need more refined coaching for social skills you must first establish trust with the child. No one will accept guidance from someone they don't trust.I do think Nora's questions are worth considering in terms of classroom culture and the teacher's intention for cultivating a community atmosphere: "How are these environments organized? How are routines developed and consistently enforced? Are these environments developmentally appropriate for the particular age group? Are the adults respectful to the children? Have the parents been consulted?" I would add, have the teachers met to discuss some common values that they have for the learning community? Have the children been invited to help determine the social agreements in the classroom? If not, I recommend starting here.I'm curious to hear about any strategies that you try and how it goes!Sincerely,Lauren
Hi Everyone.There is so much that does influence children's behaviors - families under stress, uncertainty over "the big germ" (what many children call COVID), and greater reliance on television and media for entertainment at home, rather than opportunities for genuine play. Many of the behaviors we observe in classrooms are reactive. These are times for educators to use consistency in routines and trauma informed practices, including monitoring the level of challenge and stimulation needed for each child, and modeling/supporting calming and soothing activities and interactions. This also includes helping children learn to express and manage feelings and teaching them how to get help and support when needed.Adults have to check their own emotional responses to children and intentionally offer a safe, steady, consistent set of responses - using authentic co-regulation and support for skills, along with real redirection. I say "real" related to redirection, because the classroom must have meaningful and relevant materials and activities prepared that are genuinely engaging and appropriately challenging for children to be redirected "to." In order to redirect, there must be something children are genuinely interested in doing - materials and learning activities to explore that match their skills and interests.In the observation work of my team, we often (even usually) see classrooms without adequate verbal and cognitive challenge, and without fine motor and gross motor activities that are individualized to adequately challenge and engage children. During COVID, many classrooms have cut back on the number and type of materials available and limited/restricted play. Many have removed soft materials and soft, welcoming spaces, which truly provide safety and comfort for children in group settings.In addition, teachers need to evaluate the spaces and materials to see how children use them and whether these support the type of play in which children engage. And during play, teachers must observe carefully and look for children that are not engaged and seek to involve them in ways that they can be successful. Teachers can move towards revising their book area and book collections and spend individual time reading to children books that are engaging and meaningful - and then extending those themes and characters and activities/props into dramatic play. This takes time and planning. And we all recognize that this is challenging.This is such a difficult time for everyone. It requires determination and knowledge to reorient the classroom spaces and learning goals so that children can engage in what we call "joyful learning." My heart goes out to teachers, families, and to the children as they navigate these challenging times. There are so many wonderful resources available through NAEYC that can offer practical ideas. I'm sending a shout out to all the teachers that are making the classroom work for children during an uncertain and often unsettling time.
Hello,There are a number of factors that could be leading to a child's behavior, both positive and challenging at times. It's important to communicate with families, the observations being made and to collaborate in strategies that work for that specific child and their family. NAEYC has a few resources that might help in explaining those strategies and implementing them in the classroom and at home. I look forward to seeing other resources from members that can help guide in redirecting these challenging behaviors.