Open Discussion Forum

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.  

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Does Florida require you to have an Education Consultant, Pediatric Consultant , Social Services Consultant? I live in Connecticut and programs are required by the State to have a host of consultants. Things like this are when they come in really handy. If you have one, I would contact them (take your pick) and request they come and do an "observation". Often a letter, note home  from someone other than a teacher/director stating that the issue is being followed up and recommendations will be made, helps reassure parents that your program is doing everything possible to correct the situation. Plus there might be underlying issues at hand and the services of a consultant might help staff as well.

------------------------------
Karin King
Education Consultant
Trumbull CT
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Hi,
We have a child whom we have been tracking as far as biting. We have put an action plan in place for a couple of months.  We had the staff to provide a buddy in the classroom to intervene and coach on how to play without aggression and how to use his words so he doesn't bite.  That buddy was with him the whole day. We did notice a difference and also had staff changes where we couldn't provide the buddy all times.  We did let the other parents know that we are addressing the situation, in contact with the parents and that there is an action plan in place to keep the other children safe.  There is also plenty of information on line about preschool expulsion that maybe the parents would be willing to listen too? I know this is a hard situation. As a parent watching this happen it is easy to feel like you are favoring the biter, but you are being fair and meeting the child's individual needs and meeting the needs of the other children by being fair to all. We have also lost only a couple of parents because they didn't agree with out policy which is similar to yours in not expulsion. Not sure if this helps at all. Just relaying that we have had to sit down with parents. Some are understanding and just want to know that we are addressing the issue and are on top of it.

------------------------------
Stephanie DeScalzo
Behavior Coach
Winter Park Day Nursery
Winter Park FL
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Our center is currently struggling with this as well. Just this week I actually had a conversation dealing with biting and a parent is outraged and wants the child/ren removed that bit her child. I explained our policy and that it can be developmental, and the steps we are taking to help prohibit it from happening again, but the mom of the "victim" is of course upset and furious at this point. I feel that same way that mom thinks we are favoring the biter instead of the victim, but there is so much more to it than that.

------------------------------
Lauren Zierenberg
Site Director
Stepping Stones Children's Center
Gibsonia PA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Hello Julie,

I understand your challenge and you are not alone. Having a persistent biting situation can take a toll on everyone and the center is often left in the middle, trying to figure out who to support and listen to and please all sides is a hard place to be. I do think that the best response is to continue to refer all parents to your policy about biting and stay consistent in that response. Providing the family with information about the specific way you keep their child safe is also important. Sharing that you are tracking times of the day when challenges occur and adding more hands on deck to support transitions is helpful and just one example that you can share and implement.  This can make a big difference.

As with challenging behavior in children we try to respond in a way that does not give the challenging behavior fuel. Continuing to respond in new ways to parents who are questioning your policy would send a message that you are not firm on your policy so responding by pointing to your policy is a way to reassure all parents that you are not waffling or changing rules but staying consistent to the guidelines that you have set-for all.

We provide coaching to child care and support them through situations like this one every day in our state.  We have found that consistently responding with reassurance that we are on it and working with the team to provide strategies and support, that biting is a developmental stage for some children, that your goal is to support all children and provide quality care and refer to stated policies is reassuring and parents tend to stop pushing when the response of the site is firm and consistent.

I know that this stress can be overwhelming. I have seen that a consistent response on all things related to challenging behaviors truly calms situations. It reminds parents that you as the professional that they have hired to care for their most precious thing is on top of what is needed and taking care of the situation. When we keep trying to please all with the "right response" we add a measure of unpredictability and that can breed anxiety. Calm, consistent, professional-that is reassuring.

I applaud you for refraining from expulsion because as you amply noted, there is not anywhere else for this child to go. The kind and compassionate support you are providing this family (of the child who  by keeping them enrolled will be so beneficial to them in the long term. You are addressing the need now in a safe setting where they feel supported rather than simply pushing the problem down the road.
I hope you find this helpful and I wish you well as you continue to navigate this situation.

------------------------------
[Priscilla Weigel]
[Assistant Director]
[
Center for Inclusive Child Care]
St. Paul,] [MN]
At Risk Special Needs Interest Forum Co-Facilitator
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

​We follow and share this from the Back Pack series.

Hope this helps.

------------------------------
Bonnie Hendershot
Director
JHBMC Child Dev. Center
Baltimore MD
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Attached is our biting guide. A lot of the conversations about biting are part of our larger framework of parent education around child development, guidance, and inclusion. I encourage you to candidly, proactively let families know that bites will occur in your infant/toddler classrooms before the year begins and outline your approach to supporting children and families when bites occur. It won't prevent families from having strong feelings, but it helps lay a foundation for empathy and understanding before an incident impacts them or their child -- when they're much better able to hear you. 

-Stephen

------------------------------
Stephen Karmol
Executive Director
Wild Lilac CDC
Portland OR
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-22-2019 12:00 PM
From: Bonnie Hendershot
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

​We follow and share this from the Back Pack series.

Hope this helps.

------------------------------
Bonnie Hendershot
Director
JHBMC Child Dev. Center
Baltimore MD

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Stephen, that's a great biting guide. I was especially pleased to see the part about sensory issues as I hadn't seen it in prior comments. Good work by your center.  Jack

------------------------------
Jack Wright
Child Development Consultant
Success With Children
St Ignatius MT
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-22-2019 01:06 PM
From: Stephen Karmol
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Attached is our biting guide. A lot of the conversations about biting are part of our larger framework of parent education around child development, guidance, and inclusion. I encourage you to candidly, proactively let families know that bites will occur in your infant/toddler classrooms before the year begins and outline your approach to supporting children and families when bites occur. It won't prevent families from having strong feelings, but it helps lay a foundation for empathy and understanding before an incident impacts them or their child -- when they're much better able to hear you.

-Stephen

------------------------------
Stephen Karmol
Executive Director
Wild Lilac CDC
Portland OR

Original Message:
Sent: 02-22-2019 12:00 PM
From: Bonnie Hendershot
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

​We follow and share this from the Back Pack series.

Hope this helps.

------------------------------
Bonnie Hendershot
Director
JHBMC Child Dev. Center
Baltimore MD

Original Message:
Sent: 02-21-2019 04:23 PM
From: Julie Bedard
Subject: Biting and Expulsion

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------

Original Message------

Hi all,

There have been several threads about biting and how to work with the child who bites and their parents.  We are willing to do this and do our best.  My question is not how to handle the child who bites, but how to handle the parents (and grandparents) of the children who have been bit.  I am against expulsion and can give all the info until I a blue in the face about biting being a stage for some, the causes of biting, teething, etc.  But when it comes to a parent whose child has been bit several times, they do not want to listen to that.  I can't and don't give information about who has done the biting, etc.  But they so often demand "How long are you going to allow this to go on?"  We are a quality center and there is a huge shortage of programs in our area, so they know there is no place else they want their child.  But how do you handle "You are favoring the biter instead of the victim?"  We do have a biting policy and have sent children home for multiple bites in a day, had them stay out for a day if they have multiple biting days.  I don't feel this really helps the child who is biting, but it does protect the children who may be victims.  

Any advice that has to do with dealing with parents of the child who has been bit (other than pointing to our policy, which I do) would be appreciated!


------------------------------
Julie Bedard
Wildwood FL
------------------------------