Open Discussion Forum

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

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Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
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Hi Daisy,
I'm wondering what your coworker was hoping for in having the director call the parent.  I've noticed that sometimes when we call the parent they feel obligated to discipline the child and a child that young doesn't always make the connection to  guidance that happens many hours after the event.  In that case it can damage the relationship with between parent and child without having any impact on the behavior.   I'd think that what was more needed was for the director to take time to listen to the staff member, make sure she was OK and give her a break from the classroom.  It's not unusual for a child to hit when they are feeling upset and like the world is out of their control, but it's often pretty hard for us as teachers to be the recipient of the slap or punch.

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[Meg] [Thomas]
[Early childhood consultant
[St Paul ] [MN]
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Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

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Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

This child was surely going through something with which she was unable to cope. I can understand the teacher being upset with the child and I commend the teacher for controlling her reaction. The problem I have with this description is not knowing the context - what occurred prior to the incident,  how old the child is, what ticked off the screaming, has it happened before, what is the situation at home for this child, etc. The behavior of the child is unacceptable but how we deal with it would depend on what precipitated it and what we know about this child as a whole. Is there some adjustment in the classroom or how adults interact with this child on a daily basis that can be made that would ward off this type of reaction from the child?

I agree that calling the parent and unloading on the mother or father or both might lead to delayed punishment by the parents, thus dealing with the incident at a time when it would no longer appear connected to the behavior that occurred during naptime. I think the director, if she did not already do it, should have removed the child from the room and sat her down in a quiet environment, which will allow her to calm down.  Once the child has calmed down, I would try to have a calm conversation with the child about how throwing an object at the teacher impacted the teacher and is unacceptable.

Before I was a director and my children were attending a cooperative nursery school, the director would say to children when they exhibited out of control behavior that her job was to keep everyone safe and, therefore, she could not allow the child (whoever the child was) to hurt anyone. Most of the time, the children understood this and stopped the behavior.

At the end of the day, when the child is picked up might be the time to speak with the parent(s) about how upset the child was and that she displayed inappropriate behavior. I would then want to assure the parent that the center dealt with it but that we want to understand if there is something going on that led to the child's extreme temper tantrum or find out how they deal with her behavior when it spirals out of control. 

The problem with all of this advice from me and others is that we do not know how old this child is and, therefore, we do not know what would be a developmentally appropriate way to resolve the whole incident where we turn it into a learning moment for the child.


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Nora Krieger
Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
Highland Park NJ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

In this situation my Teachers have my permission to "Walk Into the Sunset," leave.  It is already frustrating enough when a child is disturbing the learning environment, and then he/she hits the Teacher. This behavior is NOT acceptable.  We have a "Suspension Policy" in place to protect our site; the  other children; and the Teachers.  All to often when a child knows their "rights," they take total advantage of the people and the things around hem.  We can't afford to have Teachers "quit," so it is in the best interest of the Teacher to get their "Me" time, regardless if the time is paid or unpaid.

Have a meeting with the Teacher(s) and the Family, because there are other underlying concerns that need to be addressed immediately.

Thank you. Dr. Void

------------------------------
Lois Void
Friendship Public Charter Schools
Washington DC
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

While I understand a teacher needing "me" time, I do feel concerned with the idea that she left for the day. As early childhood educators, we are responsible for children with all types of behaviors, challenging ones included.  This teacher maybe could have had a five minute cool down break before returning to the classroom, modeling for the child how to calm down and that sometimes even adults need a break.  What does it teach the child if adults walk away and disappear when they exhibit challenging behaviors?  This feels related to the other conversation that is going on about professionalism in our field. 

------------------------------
Sherrie Rose Mayle
Director/Teacher
Campbell Parents' Participation Preschool
Campbell, CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-12-2018 06:57 PM
From: Lois Void
Subject: What should have been done the

In this situation my Teachers have my permission to "Walk Into the Sunset," leave.  It is already frustrating enough when a child is disturbing the learning environment, and then he/she hits the Teacher. This behavior is NOT acceptable.  We have a "Suspension Policy" in place to protect our site; the  other children; and the Teachers.  All to often when a child knows their "rights," they take total advantage of the people and the things around hem.  We can't afford to have Teachers "quit," so it is in the best interest of the Teacher to get their "Me" time, regardless if the time is paid or unpaid.

Have a meeting with the Teacher(s) and the Family, because there are other underlying concerns that need to be addressed immediately.

Thank you. Dr. Void

------------------------------
Lois Void
Friendship Public Charter Schools
Washington DC

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

Walking out of the school is tantamount to leaving the job and putting children at risk. Regardless of the context of the incident, walking out would mean for me that the teacher has resigned.

As I earlier said, the director needed to step in and help with this situation. Again, there are so many unanswered questions about the situation that it is hard to give a solid opinion on what to do or what should have been done. Figuring out what caused this child to lose the ability to express her emotions without hitting or throwing items at the teacher - age, special needs, family problems - is critical. There is a lot that early childhood professionals learn in their preparation and then require support in their everyday work implementing what they know is best practice. Learning how to work with children who exhibit challenging behaviors is extremely important and might be an area in which all the teachers need professional development opportunities.

I agree that there are elements of professionalism involved here as well as knowledge of child development.

------------------------------
Nora Krieger
Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
Highland Park NJ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-13-2018 11:49 AM
From: Sherrie Mayle
Subject: What should have been done the

While I understand a teacher needing "me" time, I do feel concerned with the idea that she left for the day. As early childhood educators, we are responsible for children with all types of behaviors, challenging ones included.  This teacher maybe could have had a five minute cool down break before returning to the classroom, modeling for the child how to calm down and that sometimes even adults need a break.  What does it teach the child if adults walk away and disappear when they exhibit challenging behaviors?  This feels related to the other conversation that is going on about professionalism in our field. 

------------------------------
Sherrie Rose Mayle
Director/Teacher
Campbell Parents' Participation Preschool
Campbell, CA

Original Message:
Sent: 08-12-2018 06:57 PM
From: Lois Void
Subject: What should have been done the

In this situation my Teachers have my permission to "Walk Into the Sunset," leave.  It is already frustrating enough when a child is disturbing the learning environment, and then he/she hits the Teacher. This behavior is NOT acceptable.  We have a "Suspension Policy" in place to protect our site; the  other children; and the Teachers.  All to often when a child knows their "rights," they take total advantage of the people and the things around hem.  We can't afford to have Teachers "quit," so it is in the best interest of the Teacher to get their "Me" time, regardless if the time is paid or unpaid.

Have a meeting with the Teacher(s) and the Family, because there are other underlying concerns that need to be addressed immediately.

Thank you. Dr. Void

------------------------------
Lois Void
Friendship Public Charter Schools
Washington DC

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

The 4 year old student is an only child whose parents are going through a "messy" divorce where each parent wants sole custody. The student is very smart and articulate little girl. She knows how to manipulate the parents against each other.
I've seen the behavior before, but the director, using her phone -father's permission, video taped her and sent it to him. Father came and took the student home. It was the father's decision for the child to keep her home the next day
This behavior seems to start after outside play time and before naptime. Sometime the student says she's not sleepy. My suggestion- give her a book to read on her mat or let her hold a small stuffed toy.
When I think she's going to "act up", I talk calmly to her and ask what does she need to do? If she raises her voice, I tell her to calm down and talk calm as I talk to her. Sometimes this works, sometimes not. The director has met with the parents separately and together. Each time they blame each other for the child's behavior.
Can you really blame the child ?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-12-2018 06:57 PM
From: Lois Void
Subject: What should have been done the

In this situation my Teachers have my permission to "Walk Into the Sunset," leave.  It is already frustrating enough when a child is disturbing the learning environment, and then he/she hits the Teacher. This behavior is NOT acceptable.  We have a "Suspension Policy" in place to protect our site; the  other children; and the Teachers.  All to often when a child knows their "rights," they take total advantage of the people and the things around hem.  We can't afford to have Teachers "quit," so it is in the best interest of the Teacher to get their "Me" time, regardless if the time is paid or unpaid.

Have a meeting with the Teacher(s) and the Family, because there are other underlying concerns that need to be addressed immediately.

Thank you. Dr. Void

------------------------------
Lois Void
Friendship Public Charter Schools
Washington DC

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------

There is so much going on here. This child is most likely in a state of high anxiety and worry. The adults who are supposed to make her feel safe are not doing that. She is clearly extremely angry. But we need to remember that she is 4 years old. Do you really think her behavior is so controlled that she is able to truly manipulate the adults?

I agree with you that this child's behavior is probably related to the family stress of the divorce and the blame game that you have articulated.

If she says that she is not sleepy, I agree with you that the best idea would be to let her read some books, play some calming music, and offer her support, which might take some brainstorming from the teachers and the director who work with her.

Unfortunately, this is not an unusual situation when there is a messy divorce. Perhaps the director can speak with the parents about how to tone down the stress and fear that I am sure this <g class="gr_ gr_809 gr-alert gr_spell gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim ContextualSpelling multiReplace" id="809" data-gr-id="809">4 year old</g> has. Otherwise, I would suggest that the child needs some additional help to deal with her emotions.

------------------------------
Nora Krieger
Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
Highland Park NJ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 08-14-2018 07:12 PM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

The 4 year old student is an only child whose parents are going through a "messy" divorce where each parent wants sole custody. The student is very smart and articulate little girl. She knows how to manipulate the parents against each other.
I've seen the behavior before, but the director, using her phone -father's permission, video taped her and sent it to him. Father came and took the student home. It was the father's decision for the child to keep her home the next day
This behavior seems to start after outside play time and before naptime. Sometime the student says she's not sleepy. My suggestion- give her a book to read on her mat or let her hold a small stuffed toy.
When I think she's going to "act up", I talk calmly to her and ask what does she need to do? If she raises her voice, I tell her to calm down and talk calm as I talk to her. Sometimes this works, sometimes not. The director has met with the parents separately and together. Each time they blame each other for the child's behavior.
Can you really blame the child ?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA

Original Message:
Sent: 08-12-2018 06:57 PM
From: Lois Void
Subject: What should have been done the

In this situation my Teachers have my permission to "Walk Into the Sunset," leave.  It is already frustrating enough when a child is disturbing the learning environment, and then he/she hits the Teacher. This behavior is NOT acceptable.  We have a "Suspension Policy" in place to protect our site; the  other children; and the Teachers.  All to often when a child knows their "rights," they take total advantage of the people and the things around hem.  We can't afford to have Teachers "quit," so it is in the best interest of the Teacher to get their "Me" time, regardless if the time is paid or unpaid.

Have a meeting with the Teacher(s) and the Family, because there are other underlying concerns that need to be addressed immediately.

Thank you. Dr. Void

------------------------------
Lois Void
Friendship Public Charter Schools
Washington DC

Original Message:
Sent: 08-11-2018 10:26 AM
From: Daisy Barges
Subject: What should have been done the

One of the students at the day care center had been having a temper tantrum during naptime. She would scream, holler and hit the other children. The employees managed to calm her down The student then picked up a small and hit one of the teachers as she was passing by. The teacher raised her hand , but didn't hi the child. Instead, she went outside, understandably  very upset. She texted her mother to tell what happened. Meanwhile the director tells the child to lie down and be still if she wasn't going to nap. The employee asked the director was she going to call the child's parent. The director's reply was  so nonchalant, the employee said she was leaving for the day.                                                                                                                           What should the director have done? Was the employee wrong for leaving?

------------------------------
Daisy Barges
Baton Rouge LA
------------------------------