Open Discussion Forum

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

A very wise director of a cooperative when my children were students handled this kind of situation that I would not call "stealing" but instead would call "not sharing". Using the word stealing connotes that the two year old is taking toys out of the school.l This director showed me something very skillful way to deal with this kind of situation. When a child would grab a toy from another child, she would say to that child something like, "Joey is playing with that car. When he is finished, he will give it to you." Apparently, to a child, this was sufficient to end the grabbing. What it turned out to be was a power play rather than either child wanting that toy at that moment. The child who had originally been playing with the toy would immediately drop the toy and that would be the end with the other child with whom there was a struggle .

I don't know if this helps you. But, one thing I would do is be careful in the choice of words to describe what you see. The lens through which you see an incident can color how you solve the problem.

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

When I was teaching we used "can I have it when you're done?" a lot and we acted out the situation from time to time.  Looking for a similar toy for the "taker" can encourage playing together. "Go get that other airplane and you can fly around the world together."

A very wise director of a cooperative when my children were students handled this kind of situation that I would not call "stealing" but instead would call "not sharing". Using the word stealing connotes that the two year old is taking toys out of the school.l This director showed me something very skillful way to deal with this kind of situation. When a child would grab a toy from another child, she would say to that child something like, "Joey is playing with that car. When he is finished, he will give it to you." Apparently, to a child, this was sufficient to end the grabbing. What it turned out to be was a power play rather than either child wanting that toy at that moment. The child who had originally been playing with the toy would immediately drop the toy and that would be the end with the other child with whom there was a struggle .

I don't know if this helps you. But, one thing I would do is be careful in the choice of words to describe what you see. The lens through which you see an incident can color how you solve the problem.

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

When I was teaching we used "can I have it when you're done?" a lot and we acted out the situation from time to time.  Looking for a similar toy for the "taker" can encourage playing together. "Go get that other airplane and you can fly around the world together."

A very wise director of a cooperative when my children were students handled this kind of situation that I would not call "stealing" but instead would call "not sharing". Using the word stealing connotes that the two year old is taking toys out of the school.l This director showed me something very skillful way to deal with this kind of situation. When a child would grab a toy from another child, she would say to that child something like, "Joey is playing with that car. When he is finished, he will give it to you." Apparently, to a child, this was sufficient to end the grabbing. What it turned out to be was a power play rather than either child wanting that toy at that moment. The child who had originally been playing with the toy would immediately drop the toy and that would be the end with the other child with whom there was a struggle .

I don't know if this helps you. But, one thing I would do is be careful in the choice of words to describe what you see. The lens through which you see an incident can color how you solve the problem.

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

I agree with guiding the child to 1)  ask for a turn and 2) asking to have the toy next when the child is done playing with it. I would add helping the child find something to play with while they wait. Adding duplicates (or more sets) of popular toys can help minimize the impulse to grab another child's toy. You are correct in your assumption that training time will often need to be extended -- children will often grow and regress throughout their early years, so mastery does take time.

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

Hello Everyone, 

I often read the questions and comments that are posted within the hello platform, yet I don't leave a comment. My preference is to communicate face-to-face. Therefore, I allow the voices of others who may have a preference to share on an internal community platform.

The terms "stealing" and "habitually" in the title, had my head turning to the side like a curious puppy. 

I sincerely agree with all the currently posted suggestions, supporting toddler's developmentally appropriate practices of engagement.

In all due respect, as previously shared, please understand that words have power and have the potential to help or hurt! As an Advocate for all children and families, it's extremely important that we model the behavior we would like to see in the children. 

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Crystal Sanford-Brown
Early Childhood Consultant
Owner of "Emerging Young Leadership, Inc."
Bloomfield Township, MI
Immediate Past Vice-President of the Naeyc Governing Board

Original Message:
Sent: 11-20-2023 11:36 AM
From: Melanie Burke
Subject: 2 year old stealing toys habitually

I agree with guiding the child to 1)  ask for a turn and 2) asking to have the toy next when the child is done playing with it. I would add helping the child find something to play with while they wait. Adding duplicates (or more sets) of popular toys can help minimize the impulse to grab another child's toy. You are correct in your assumption that training time will often need to be extended -- children will often grow and regress throughout their early years, so mastery does take time.

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Melanie Burke
Curriculum Director
Cranfield Academy of Morrisville
NC

Original Message:
Sent: 11-15-2023 04:19 PM
From: Nancy Morrison
Subject: 2 year old stealing toys habitually

Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?

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Nancy Morrison
Director
Little Promises University
SD
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Looking for strategies to help us guide a rambunctious 2 year old have been playtime skills.  We realize the concept of sharing doesn't develop until he would be older (5y) -- but also can't let him continually swipe toys out of friends hands.  We have tried helping him pick a toy ... maybe we just need to stick with the training time longer?  Anyone have any other suggestions?