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Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

  • 1.  Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-14-2019 09:36 AM

    Hi everyone,

    You have all been so helpful with my last discussion posts with topics I needed assistance on, that I'm really hopeful that you can all help me out once again.

    I have an escalating situation with a young girl (PreK student- age 4) who has had both a behavioral change and has started stealing/attempting to steal classroom and my personal materials.  I did not at first refer to it as stealing with her, but more talked about how the materials are for all the students, and it is not fair to them when she takes them away and they can't use them.  The stealing began around the beginning of January.  I brought one of my personal, special books to students to use to help them learn how to tie their shoes.  The book has a special double colored shoelace (one half blue, one half red) that is referred to in the shoe tying directions/lyrics.  One day, when I was out of the room, my co-teacher noticed this student had removed the shoelace.  She was told she needed to go get it and put it back.  My co-teacher, unfortunately, did not go back later and check that the student followed through.  Our girl left for a week long vacation that night.  I actually, with the help of some students, looked through everything in our classroom in an attempt to find it.  It was not anywhere.  I figured at that point that maybe she had brought it home.  When she returned I talked to both her and dad, informing of the whole situation.  Dad tried talking to her, but she would not answer anything.  He said he would have to go look through everything at home and talk to her mom.  Mom knew right away.  Apparently my student had told mom that the shoelace was part of a special art project that she got to take home.  In hindsight, the mom said she should have realized- but at the same time, you want to think you can trust what your child tells you (I do not blame mom at all!),  It was returned, along with an apology note from my student.  This was only the start of the stealing, though.  It ended up that at some point she took several of our Block Center people home with her.  She, at a later time- when confronted by me on yet more classroom materials I found in her belongings, tried saying "It was my fault, and that I had forced her to take the block people home.  She said I had made her take them."
    Our teacher who closes our room found one of our dry erase lapboards in her bag, one of my personal books I was letting students look at, and a bracelet that had been made by another student that she tried to insist was her.  This continues...so we start checking her bag every night.  At this point she tries to be a bit more sneaky- I bought two squishy bears for two of my boys to hold and squeeze during group time who have an immensely hard time staying in group and not being wild with their bodies.  One was missing at the end of the day.  Students helped me look for it.  I then thought, Oh I better check if she took it.  It wasn't in her bag.  I decided (I'm not sure why) that maybe I should check her coat pockets.  There is was zipped inside.  I felt other objects, but they all felt like the metal barrettes that snap closed in the middle.  It still continues with more instances.
    This last instance is what is really bothering me.  I had a large feather I brought for texture painting.  I couldn't find it anywhere.  Again, she was gone for a couple days.  I thought I better check her bag.  It wasn't there.  Even though the feather was too large for her pockets, I decided that while I was checking, I should look there too, in case anything else was in there.  This time I pulled out what felt like all the metal barrettes.  Well, there was one of our missing cabinet keys in with the barrettes.  Here I had been very verbal with my co-teacher and the students saying how I needed to really be working on being sure to put are one last key and key ring back on it's hook and not carrying it around the room (bad habit).  I took responsibility thinking that I must have carried the lost key ring and two keys with me somewhere in the classroom/school.  She was very aware that I felt bad about it and was feeling very responsible.  She never said a thing.  It concerns me greatly that she does not appear to be having any remorse, guilt, or conscience about any of the incidents.
    I have kept our owner/administrator up to date on what has been going on.  After the incident with the key she has asked me to document everything starting from the beginning.  We discussed having a meeting now with the parents.
    This student has also had a big behavioral change starting back around mid-December/January.  She has been being very disrespectful to me and my co-teacher (talking back- "I don't have to listen to you"), saying intentionally mean things directly to us- or making comments to friends about us, faces she makes directly to us or when our backs are turned, ignoring our directions, and not caring when we try to talk to her about her behavior).  She has been saying hurtful, mean things to other students, and acting mean/hurtful to them- often telling others they can't be a part of the play.  These are all newer behaviors from her that I definitely did not see at the beginning of the year- when I first started, or for the first several months.
    I have tried many approached in dealing with these situations.  I have talked to her privately about her behavior and why it is not okay.  I've talked to her about us being able to trust her and importance of being honest.  Her parents are very supportive of us and she has had consequences at home.  I've even told her how if she took something that didn't belong to her from a story, that would be called stealing and she could get in a lot of trouble for it.  I mentioned how if you take something from a store that is not yours, the Police often have to be called.  I even at one point, after finding more items in her stuff at the end of the day, said that I could just not trust her not to take anything, and that she was going to have to stay at our one table and I would bring items to her to play with.  That way I knew specifically what she had and that I got it all back (I really didn't like doing this, but was at a loss of what else to do).
    My Professor/Friend believes that at this point, there has to be something deeper going on.  He agrees we need to have a meeting.  He also thinks that she would benefit from some type of psychological counseling (social worker or mental health worker).  Unfortunately, we do not have that kind of access at our school (I am double checking on that with our owner/administrator, though).  She does not have any new siblings at home.  She has a two year old sister (who the parents let me know when this first started, that she often takes her younger sisters favorite items and hides them with her stuff).  Her parents make it a priority to spend time with the girls every night.

    I am just at a loss.  I am sorry that this was such a terribly long post.  Do any of you have any suggestions on how we can handle/deal with this issue?  I think the idea of trying to get the parents (I know this is a tricky subject to suggest, and am going to let our owner/administrator deal with mentioning that- with my support) to get her some counseling is very important.  I do not know what else I can do about the situation directly in our classroom, though.  What should I be doing with her specifically when these instances occur?  How do we move forward from her?  What classroom management techniques/guidance should I be doing?  We do regularly talk about Character Traits- this month we are focusing on Honesty (quite the timing).

    Can anyone help me out?
    Thank you very much!  Again, I am sorry it was such a long post.  Thanks for taking the time to read and respond!!
    Heidi



    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------


  • 2.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 09:25 AM
    The first step I would take (beyond what you are already doing - meeting with the family, seeking outside intervention,etc.) with the child is to talk to her during a calm time when she is not taking something and present the problem to her.  "I've noticed that you have want to take items from school and bring them home.  We need school items to stay at school.  What do you think we can do to solve this problem?"  I wonder what response she might give and how you might be able to problem solve together and come up with a solution.

    ------------------------------
    Sherrie Rose Mayle
    Director/Teacher
    Campbell Parents' Participation Preschool
    Campbell, CA
    ------------------------------



  • 3.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 08:03 PM
    Sherrie,
    Thank you for this suggestion to add in what I'm doing.  It could be very helpful.  I appreciate your feedback.
    Heidi

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 4.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 09:38 AM
    Good morning.

    Stealing is a signal that something is going on with this student.  By now, there should have been a Parent Meeting where your concerns are shared regarding the items being removed in the classroom.  Does your school have a Therapist on site, and do you have resources for the Family that you can give them that will truly support the child and Family's concerns.  If the "stealing" is not addressed, it could lead to major things in the child, the Family, and the School.  Take the first step and meet with the student's Family; your Co-Teacher and the School.

    Thank you.  Dr. Void

    ------------------------------
    Lois Void
    Friendship Public Charter Schools
    Washington DC
    ------------------------------



  • 5.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 08:22 PM
    Dr. Void,
    Thank you! We have planned a meeting.  There are therapy services that they could access through the school district where our Early Childhood Center is located.  The request has to come from the parents, though, and can't be from us.
    I'm concerned the parents are not going to be receptive to this suggestion, especially after their response today. I was rather surprised by their response.  Mom really played it down.  She as commented that she didn't really want to make a big deal out of this most recent key issue stating he her daughter had started turning things around and she doesn't want  disturb that.  I was rather shocked.  I guess I made way too big a deal over the one day I so not find anything in her stuff. In reality, that key was in her pocket the whole time- I had just mistaken it as one of the metal barrettes.  The girl even told my co- teacher that she did have it and had put it in her bag.  Being it's not there now, I really think she took it home.   We can't rely on her telling us the truth, like her mom was acting like, because she hasn't been honest through any of this.
    I agree, at this point, she definitely needs to get some help. Especially wit her lack of  consciousness and guilt/feeling bad after.

    Heidi

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 6.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-16-2019 06:09 AM
    Good Saturday morning.

    Will the Parents be open to "Home Visits?"

    Just wondering and still concerned.

    Thank you.

    Dr.. Void



    Sent from my Sprint Samsung Galaxy S7.





  • 7.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-16-2019 05:50 PM
    Dr. Void,

    Thanks for the idea.  I am really not sure- I'm worried that they are now not going to be supportive to any of this.  After my interactions with the parents yesterday, my gut says no, they will not be.  I'm very concerned, as well.  If they are not, would you have any ideas as to what approaches I can take around this?  I like Sherrie's advice about trying to talk to her when it has not just happened, and plan to try this- but any further ideas would be appreciated.  If you want to contact me directly I have included my email address below.
    Thank you so much,

    Heidi Van Amburg

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    h_vanamburg72@comcast.net
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 8.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-15-2019 12:55 PM
    As a foster/ adopt mom, I have had this issue in our family. Children can have insecurities or anxiety that they wont be able to have what they need. I would see if there is anything new going on in the child's life, loss of something important, parents loss of income. Even parents discussing financial problems can make some children anxious.

    ------------------------------
    Laura Mykel
    Nebo NC
    ------------------------------



  • 9.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 04:09 PM
    I wonder what need this behavior is fulfilling for this child?

    ------------------------------
    Michelle Barnea
    Innovations in Early Learning
    Metuchen NJ
    ------------------------------



  • 10.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 08:25 PM
    Michelle,
    Good question!  I'm really not sure!
    Heidi

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 11.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 04:17 PM
    I feel for this child (and for you). I agree that there is something bigger going on. Stealing (like hoarding) in young children is sometimes a sign of anxiety and the need to have control.  Would it make sense to you to have a couple of things that she can choose from to take home at the end of the day? When she brings it back she can take another item home.  It reinforces the difference between borrowing and taking, she gets to choose something, and she has a transition object between school and home.  I also worry about her feelings sense of shame each time she takes something.  There's a compulsive quality to it.  I also agree that professional help is warranted and perhaps the family can ask their pediatrician for some referrals.

    ------------------------------
    Aren Stone
    Child Development Specialist
    The Early Years Project
    Cambridge, MA
    she/her
    ------------------------------



  • 12.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 03-15-2019 08:31 PM
    Aren,
    Thank you for your suggestion regarding a transition object between home and school.  I'll definitely give that some thought.  Please look up at my response to Dr. Void's comment, as I am now rather concerned that the parents will not be on board with getting her some additional help.  I'm definitely concerned and worried for her.  There is just no show of conciousness or feelings of guilt/remorse- which I see as very troubling.
    Heidi

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 13.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-16-2019 09:22 AM
    Wow, a tough situation, and one that is hard to make progress on when we look at it from a "non-developmental" perspective! I am replying before I have read the replies, so forgive me if I echo other folks posts. First, it is key to see these behaviors from a developmental perspective: a 4 year old's stealing is completely different from a 15 year old stealing or a 30 year old stealing (or a 3 year old stealing for that matter, depending on on cognitive level of the 3 or 4 year old, chronological age is not perfectly aligned with cognitive age...).
    Often, when a 4 year old takes something, it is an impulse control issue. They are not trying to hurt some one, they do not consider the feelings of the owner, this is beyond their cognitive level unless they have adult scaffolding... Second, just because a 4 year old steals something, or goes through a period of stealing, it does not mean they will grow up to be a thief if the behavior is not caught and "corrected" by an adult. When a 4 year old takes something, it is a behavior in the moment. When they lie and deny it later, it is their best defense mechanism. And the lying is really just that- a defense mechanism, not a moral failing. Would you put a bowl of m&m's out on the table, and then expect 4 year olds to not eat them just because you told them, "do not eat my m&m's please" or even, "if you eat my m&m's, I will punish you." I hope you believe those scenarios would be silly efforts to stop m&m's "stealing". The best choice is to put the candies away!  Your 4 year old needs some careful observation, and some "graceful outs" if she makes a mistake. If you " corner her" most likely, she will lie and deny. I suggest stop correcting her by calling it stealing, and increasing guilt, shame or fear- for many kids, this leads to more defensive behaviors. Be careful not to "label" her, and don't let the other kids in the class label her either. Kids talk, they share preschool events, but they often say, " Suzy is bad." Or "Danny is mean." They label, and that can lead to ostracizing peers who need the play experience the most! The hiding of the siblings toys, sounds like she gets angry or jealous or envious some times. These feelings are normal, and very hard for 4  year olds to deal with in socially acceptable ways, especially if they are anxious or fearful. Of course, changes in behavior like this can indicate other problems or events- but not always. It's good your feelers are up. Remember, "we can teach a child to use a tissue for a runny nose, even if we do not know if the runny nose is allergies or a virus!"  I suggest careful documentation, but I would try and check your emotions on it, and let the situation cool off a little first. During this "reset" time, make sure the child gets a lot of positive attention at school, and help her feel safe! We know we would never put a 4 year old in prison or call the police on them, but in her head, maybe she does not really know this- how scary! She's part of the team, and you are all in it together. Try not to have her in really tempting situations, praise her when she puts toys back, talk about the classroom as everyone's, and take some time to admire how much easier it is to find toys when we want them next time, since we put them away this time! I highly suggest reading Baby Hearts" byLinda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn, a really great resource about guiding social and emotional development! Hope this is helpful, and hang in there with the love- children learn best when they have real, warm connections to their caregivers!


    ------------------------------
    Margro Purple
    Rockville MD
    ------------------------------



  • 14.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-17-2019 09:36 AM
    Margro Purple
    Apr 16, 2019 9:22 AM
    Margro Purple
    Wow, a tough situation, and one that is hard to make progress on when we look at it from a "non-developmental" perspective! I am replying before I have read the replies, so forgive me if I echo other folks posts. First, it is key to see these behaviors from a developmental perspective: a 4 year old's stealing is completely different from a 15 year old stealing or a 30 year old stealing (or a 3 year old stealing for that matter, depending on on cognitive level of the 3 or 4 year old, chronological age is not perfectly aligned with cognitive age...).
    Often, when a 4 year old takes something, it is an impulse control issue. They are not trying to hurt some one, they do not consider the feelings of the owner, this is beyond their cognitive level unless they have adult scaffolding... Second, just because a 4 year old steals something, or goes through a period of stealing, it does not mean they will grow up to be a thief if the behavior is not caught and "corrected" by an adult. When a 4 year old takes something, it is a behavior in the moment. When they lie and deny it later, it is their best defense mechanism. And the lying is really just that- a defense mechanism, not a moral failing. Would you put a bowl of m&m's out on the table, and then expect 4 year olds to not eat them just because you told them, "do not eat my m&m's please" or even, "if you eat my m&m's, I will punish you." I hope you believe those scenarios would be silly efforts to stop m&m's "stealing". The best choice is to put the candies away!  Your 4 year old needs some careful observation, and some "graceful outs" if she makes a mistake. If you " corner her" most likely, she will lie and deny. I suggest stop correcting her by calling it stealing, and increasing guilt, shame or fear- for many kids, this leads to more defensive behaviors. Be careful not to "label" her, and don't let the other kids in the class label her either. Kids talk, they share preschool events, but they often say, " Suzy is bad." Or "Danny is mean." They label, and that can lead to ostracizing peers who need the play experience the most! The hiding of the siblings toys, sounds like she gets angry or jealous or envious some times. These feelings are normal, and very hard for 4  year olds to deal with in socially acceptable ways, especially if they are anxious or fearful. Of course, changes in behavior like this can indicate other problems or events- but not always. It's good your feelers are up. Remember, "we can teach a child to use a tissue for a runny nose, even if we do not know if the runny nose is allergies or a virus!"  I suggest careful documentation, but I would try and check your emotions on it, and let the situation cool off a little first. During this "reset" time, make sure the child gets a lot of positive attention at school, and help her feel safe! We know we would never put a 4 year old in prison or call the police on them, but in her head, maybe she does not really know this- how scary! She's part of the team, and you are all in it together. Try not to have her in really tempting situations, praise her when she puts toys back, talk about the classroom as everyone's, and take some time to admire how much easier it is to find toys when we want them next time, since we put them away this time! I highly suggest reading Baby Hearts" byLinda Acredolo and Susan Goodwyn, a really great resource about guiding social and emotional development! Hope this is helpful, and hang in there with the love- children learn best when they have real, warm connections to their caregivers!



    ------------------------------
    Margro Purple
    Rockville MD

    Helen P. Massey, EdD

    "The future belongs to young people with an education and the imagination to create."
    -President Barack Obama





  • 15.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-18-2019 07:29 AM
    Hi Margo,
    Thank you for your reply.  Just to reassure you, I not refer to her acts as "stealing" when discussing with her or her parents.  We really do try to keep what is going on private between us, and not get the other students involved- although, as you noted about how observant they are, many know it was going on anyways.
    In this particular situation, there is no apparent events going on in her home life that might be indicative of this kind of change.  It is not only an issue of her taking things that belong to the classroom, but her behavior has had a shift, too.  She can be really rather unkind with her words to friends, and how she plays with them.  She is also having many disrespectful type behaviors towards adults when requested to do something, redirected, or even when just being talked to.   This also happens with her peers.  She rolls her eyes, makes faces, completely ignores you, etc..  It is more a combination of all these things that worries me.  Her taking items has only gotten progressively worse, not just an occasional item or two.
    We have made an attempt to alleviate the temptation by keeping her things in a cupboard during the day.  That way there is no easy access to put items in her bag and pockets.  We are also keeping close documentation.  I was hoping our school owner/administrator would have set up a meeting with the parents by now, mainly so we can all get on the same page in addressing the issues and helping the student out in the best ways possible.  Right now one of the parents is really not on board with us, and has been giving her rewards at night focusing on one specific behavior "listening during group."  The student struggles with this, also- but doing an okay job with that one specific thing, even if there have been other behaviors that have been very much not okay during the day (like destroying- seems harsh, but it was completely torn up and unfixable- one of my books I was sharing with students).
    I know that at times I took things a little personally (because many of the items taken, or destroyed have been my personal items I'm sharing with students), but I have been watching myself carefully to make sure I am not that affect my interactions with her.  I do really try to keep an eye out for when she is doing positive things, and giving verbal reinforcement when I see it.  Rest assured, I do not see her as "a bad" child or refer to her in such ways.  Perhaps the "Title" to my post was too harsh, but I was really needing some feedback from fellow educators rather quickly. I know she is going through something that is affecting her normal behavior, and this by no means labels her as "bad."  I just want to make sure I am doing everything possible I can do to help with the situation.  I care about my students greatly, and feel a responsibility to help them get through and address some of these type of behavioral occurrences.

    Thank you for your feedback!
    Heidi Van Amburg

    ------------------------------
    Heidi Van Amburg
    PreK Teacher
    Primrose School of St. Louis Park West
    Crystal MN
    ------------------------------



  • 16.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-18-2019 08:37 AM
    Hi Heidi,
    I am so sorry if my response came across accusingly! I actually wrote my response very quickly, with only scanning your email, so much of what I said was very general to this type of situation, and not your particular situation. After I read your email and the responses you had already received, it struck me that I seemed to be coming to the situation from a different angle than many of the other replies.  My background is child and human development, a little different than many education programs, and my focus in grad school was research, not practice.  In addition, one of my areas of personal growth is learning how to communicate information without making people feel "attacked" or flooded. Between us, iI have 2 children on the spectrum, and although I was never accessed, i'm pretty sure I would meet the criteria for ASD ( Asperger's syndrome fits best)!
    It is so apparent how much you care about all your students, and this child in particular! I have been there, when you feel like a child really needs an extra hand, and you are at a loss to figure it out! I commend you for reaching out! Often, when I have had a hold who really "puts my feelers up" I has also found myself feeling lack of support from key players around me, like directors or parents( I am not saying this is your situation). It is really concerning to hear about the "behavioral shift" and the difficulties with peer interactions. From my perspective, preschool is really about social and emotional learning, and peer interaction is a major driver Of social development. As each child and situation is unique, it is difficult to give very precise guidance without seeing the environment first hand.  If your preschool has access to another set of trained eyes, it would be great to have more input.  In Montgomery county, Maryland, we have a wonderful service called Childlinks, that partners preschools and childcare centers with a professional trained to access developmental issues & special needs to observe the child in the childcare setting and provide guidance for making the setting as developmentally appropriate for the particular child as possible. This can be a long process to get going, and you would need parental approval and your director's involvement, and there is no guarantee that your student would meet criteria for inclusion in the program, the bar is pretty high.  You could also approach your director to have a more general classroom assessment through a private company or individual, but again, it might be tricky to get your director on board with this, and I have no idea of the price tag!
    i actually like the parent's approach of focusing on one positive behavior; sometimes you just need to get a foot in the door, so the child can relax and listen.  Parents too, need more positive than negatives, so you can get an open ear.  I do think there is so much you can do to change the dynamics at play in school, even without parental involvement. With so many trouble behaviors, the key is ignoring when you can, and throwing the positive light on the wanted behaviors! Positive reinforcement of desirable behaviors is always more effective. Sticker charts can help, but they are "clunky" and have their own downsides, I love "fist-bumps" and quick high fives, smiles and verbal recognition like, " I see you and Bob playing together- it is so fun to have fun with a friend!"
    Hope this is helpful, a couple more books, Ross Green's Lost at school & The Explosive Child, "How to talk..." by Faber & Mazlish, and Self-Reg by Shankar.  Behavioral change is a slow process, so hang in there, your love & care is evident, and your students are lucky to get a teacher who cares so much! Please take care of yourself too, as these situations are so draining, and can lead to burn out for great teachers/caregivers!

    ------------------------------
    Margro Purple
    Rockville MD
    ------------------------------



  • 17.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-18-2019 09:19 AM
    I think we're missing the punishment aspect of this stealing issue. It sounds like the parents still believe in punishment. The last survey I read found that 82% of parents in the U.S. believe in corporal punishment. It is now clear to psychological scientists that punishment not only doesn't work over time (it does work briefly which is a part of the problem) and it damages children, especially their sense of being worthwhile. I suspicion this child uses stealing for attention, so the response suggesting we look for other issues was right on in my opinion (wish I'd written down her name). Heidi, your frustrations may have also been taken as punishment. We also need to consider child development. Research suggests that children don't have a flexible view of sharing until they are at least five years old. It is likely to be frustrating trying to get these parents to give more positive-attention other than the punishment-attention, but I think is needs to be attempted, and your classroom can become a model. When I was a therapist, I dealt with older children still stealing regularly. They often threw away what they stole. Yes, catch the stealing, but with no more than how it pains you to be stolen from, and that said with affection for her: gentle eyes, body, and touch. Preschool can make a big difference. Hang in their Heidi, you are needed.

    ------------------------------
    Jack Wright
    Child Development Consultant
    Success With Children
    St Ignatius MT
    ------------------------------



  • 18.  RE: Have PREK STUDENT who is taking things without permission- need suggestions

    Posted 04-18-2019 05:06 PM
    Hi there!

    I'll just jump right in.

    In in most cases students are very hungry for their parents attention to their school work and at times that is not fulfilled thus resulting in a friend taking things.

    A suggestion I have is to have her "gift" and item to her mom or dad or another student. Tell her in the morning I want you to think of something you can find outside to give to your mom your daddy and a friend. That way we are refocusing her "take" need and re wiring it to a "give need." Point out the positive emotion one experiences when giving a gift instead of taking.

    Also I would give her a bucket to "collect." Meaning while at school she can collect fun things but she has to place it in the bucket and share it with her friends at the end of the day. Your improving social skills and once again redirecting to a "give" and not a "take" mind set.

    ------------------------------
    Carlen Kossman
    Director
    The Children's Lighthouse Learning Center
    Montgoemry TX
    ------------------------------