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Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

  • 1.  Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-26-2018 08:49 AM
    Besides the "You guys...", what are some phrases you avoid?  I had a great collection of these from a conference and now can not find the paper. 

    Another is, "I need you to...", as this is not about your needs and the sentence can be started another way to get the same message across to the children.

    Trying to get some thoughts gathered for a staff meeting.

    Thanks!

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    Paula Hance
    Zion Early Childhood Center
    Hopkins MN
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  • 2.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-26-2018 11:20 AM
    In a recent workshop on consent, I discussed the importance of using "May I give you..." in lieu of "Will you give me..." when it comes to hugs, high fives, and other affection. It's a subtle distinction, but it's much easier to say no to an offer, instead of feeling obligated to give in to a request.

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    Lydia M. Bowers
    Sexual Health Consultant
    www.lydiambowers.com
    NAEYC Affiliate Advisory Council
    Cincinnati, Ohio
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  • 3.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-21-2018 07:23 PM
    I avoid using the word "No"

    The word "no".
    "No, don't run,"  Instead, try, "Please walk inside."
     Instead of  "No, don't touch!" try, "You want to stand on the tree, but you might fall and hurt yourself 
    Please just look with your eyes."
    Instead of, "No, don't touch the dog," try, "Please remember to touch the dog gently."
    I like demonstrating the correct behavior.
    For example: 
    I rather show them the correct behavior for instance demonstrating how you should use gentle touches while petting the dog.

    In my opinion, when a teacher takes the time to talk with the child in the respectful, positive ways, explaining the reasons for your requests, offering choices, modeling the behavior that you want to teach, and bringing your child's awareness to the impact and actions his/her actions have on other individuals, you are including the child in the learning process, and  guiding them to become self aware and self regulating in their behavior. 







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    Marissa Stone
    Encino CA
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  • 4.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 11-05-2018 12:11 AM
    I read that you should not use contactions when correcting a child. They only hear the what the are doing part.­

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    Laurie Dedmon
    Pre-K/SPED
    Fresno Unified School District
    Coarsegold CA
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  • 5.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-26-2018 11:25 AM

    "Please walk" or "Use your walking feet" instead of "Don't run"  Identify the behavior you want to occur instead of the negative. This holds true in a variety of situations.  "Don't climb on the shelf" vs "Feet belong on the floor and books go on the shelf"

    "Good job" is rather non-descript for a child.  "I really like how you....." is much more direct and highlights what you are impressed with.

    A pet peeve of mine is calling all of the children "kids"

    This is all that is coming to mind pre-coffee. :)



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    Jennifer W. Hardy
    Association Program Specialist
    San Diego, CA
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  • 6.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 03:06 AM
    "Okay?" As in "It's time to sit down, okay?" "Please walk, okay?" When I hear that I'm always waiting for the child to say, "No, not really." We give clear directions, not ask permission.

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    Heather F
    Kodiak AK
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  • 7.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-30-2018 11:53 AM
    YES, the Okay? after each request has bothered me for some time, are you telling or asking?  
    My addition is "for me". "Can you put that away for me? Can you put your shoes on for me?" etc. It's for the child's good or the general good not FOR YOU.

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    Vicki Knauerhase M.Ed.
    Child Development Specialist (retired)
    Weston OH
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  • 8.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-18-2018 05:43 PM
    The one that I am working to eliminate is "we don't..."  When children bite, for example, don't say, "Oh, we don't bite our friends." Yes, we do, because I just saw it happen! Plus, the teacher did not bite with the child, ergo not a we situation! The child acted alone.
    "We" also connotes that the child is not in control or that the undesired action was not his responsibility.  As much as we advocate being direct and descriptive in our conversations with children who are victimized ("tell him that it hurts you when he bites you"), our redirection needs to be equally specific and direct ("You may not bite." or "It hurt XXX when you bit him, and my job is to keep everyone safe, so I cannot let you bite other children.").

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    Holly Dalferes
    Director
    George Cottage at St Martin's Episcopal School
    Metairie LA
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  • 9.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 01:57 PM
    I once heard a workshop leader say we have to avoid "moralizing" with our feedback. For example, a jump isn't good or bad; it's high, low, light, or heavy. And "good job" tells the child nothing about what was good.

    Saying "Good job!" is a hard habit to break, but recognition and encouragement are always going to be a better alternative than false praise and value judgments. When we describe the children's responses with enthusiasm and respect, we validate them and encourage original solutions and we give the children information they can use.

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    Rae Pica
    Rae Pica Keynotes & Consulting
    Alexandria VA
    www.raepica.com
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  • 10.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 03:51 PM
    I think using "cutsey" names for children such as Sweety, Pumpkin, etc. should not be done.  Use the given name and/or the name that the family requests.

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    Eileen Donahue Brittain
    Adjunct On-Line Instructor
    Johns Hopkins Graduate School of Education
    Baltimore, MD
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  • 11.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 05:07 PM
    Along with "Good job!" being so nondescript and useless is "Good Boy/Girl" - or any talk of "being good". I HATE hearing teachers saying things like "If you are good during Circle/Rest Time/Snack Time/etc, we will (insert reward)"  BEING good is already an intrinsic value we have of children. They - their personhood - is ALREADY good! We need to be more specific about behaviors and actions that are acceptable/desirable and communicate THAT. Mr. Rogers expressed this belief about the intrinsic goodness of children every time he said, "I like you just the way you are!"

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    Carole Flegal
    Nampa ID
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  • 12.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 06:56 PM
    I agree with all that has been offered so far, except, I'm not a fan of "I like the way you..." or "I like..." (the tree in your painting, etc.). Those are judgement statements about what you like. Instead of "good job", which doesn't tell the child anything, and "I like" which is a judgement statement, I recommend making a statement (Wow, you created a big tree with lots of flowers! or You jumped high! )

    Just avoid "bad" or "good" or "I love/like/don't like". It's hard to train yourself, but once you have it, you will never forget these techniques.

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    Fran Simon, M.Ed.
    Engagement Strategies, LLC
    Early Childhood Investigations Webinars
    Early Childhood Investigations Consultants Directory
    Washington, DC Metro
    ------------------------------



  • 13.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-27-2018 07:46 PM
    I strongly agree with the comments about the use of "good job" and "okay" as well as calling children "good" or "bad!" I also prefer the term "children" rather than "kids" when wearing my professional hat. "Children/childhood," to me, refers to the stage of development of the people we teach, while "kids" reminds me of young goats. 

    I try to use pronouns correctly. For example, I avoid the royal "we" or referring to myself in the third person. 

    I almost never use the term "time out." It tends to be used so frequently that it sometimes does not seem to have the meaning behind it. Sometimes children need to take some time away from others to relax or gather their thoughts, but I prefer to give a quick description of what is happening for the children rather than say "time out." 

    Sometimes it is not what I avoid, but special enriching vocabulary that I include. Some children love the challenge of noticing a new word and then using it on their own in an original context.

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    Julie Miller
    Lafayette LA
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  • 14.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-28-2018 08:22 AM
    "No, thank you" as a response to a child by a teacher who wants a behavior of a child to stop...Not sure where that even started and I cannot get people to change it to telling the child what to do.  I prefer others to stop using hte word "no" and then you thank them?

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    Mary
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  • 15.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-29-2018 08:49 AM
    Mary Fitzgerald:  Thank you for including "No, thank you" as a phrase to avoid!  "No thank you" is what one says when offered something that they don't need or want.  I think it's very important that adults teach children to be direct: "I'm using that now.",  "Don't hit me". "You can have it in five minutes."  "Stop pushing me"  Catch phrases often have little direct meaning and "No thank you" is one of my pet peeves.
    Someone mentioned using pronouns correctly, meaning not using the royal "we".  I'll add not always using pronouns and labels that specify gender.  Using 'they' as a singular pronoun is gaining popularity.  I hear adults regularly referring to animals as 'he'.  If the gender of an animal, including a human, is not specified I use "they',  "I wonder what they'll do next?"  Saying 'parents' rather than 'mother(s) and father(s)' is more inclusive and doesn't exclude children who have same gender parents or one parent.

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    Aren Stone
    Child Development Specialist
    The Early Years Project
    Cambridge, MA
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  • 16.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-28-2018 10:58 AM
    Thank you so much for these thoughts!  I will be sure to incorporate them into our discussion!  Keep them coming!  

    I was also thinking i don't like to hear teachers say, "Come on" when they want a child to hurry up.  What does that mean?  It really means nothing, nor does not even let them know what you would like them to do.

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    Paula Hance
    Zion Early Childhood Center
    Hopkins MN
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  • 17.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-29-2018 06:24 PM
    I am glad to be part of this formative discussion forum. 

    'Words/Phrases you avoid in the classroom', was something that I have been also concerned about.
    I find that using words/phrases that are more inclusive, and formal is important. Therefore, I try to be mindful of words/phrases I use to address my students. I use words such as, "my friends' sometimes, 'girls and boys...' but I believe 'my friends' would be a better choice since it is more inclusive and there is no gender bias.

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    Francess Fernandopulle
    Teacher
    DOE
    Bayside NY
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  • 18.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-30-2018 12:03 PM
    Going along with the too general and not descriptive theme -- I have never liked "use your words" for toddlers. What words would you like them to use? Do they know those words? Have they been taught what to say in specific situations?

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    Nicole Fravel
    Portland OR
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  • 19.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 11-02-2018 04:38 PM
    I had to laugh when I read your post about "use your words" Nicole.  I was remembering 20 years ago when I told a child to use their words and they immediately turned to the other child and swore at them.  What could I say?  I hadn't told them which words to use and those were indeed words.  It taught me very quickly to be more specific.

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    [Meg] [Thomas]
    [Early childhood consultant
    [St Paul ] [MN]
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  • 20.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 09-30-2018 12:15 PM

    Replying to the phrase "I need you to"  - try "It's time to"  or "please __  (describe the action that should be done)" or point out the children who ARE doing whatever it is, "_name__ is _action___ and so is _name_ and _name_"  Now we can see that _name_ and _name_ are _action__.  Most likely, the child in question will perform the action as well. 

    I also agree to avoid asking "okay?" when you are telling children what to do.  And to avoid asking 'would you like to" unless there really is a choice.

    I agree about using children's actual names - not "buddy" or any of the other cute ones mentioned.

    I have noticed difficulty avoiding judgments with children's art.  Eliminate phrases such as "so pretty"  and as has already been said, comment on the actual work - "There's lots of red on this picture". 

    Along with art things to say and don't say, NEVER ask "What is it? or What did you make?" - Why?  Because sometimes it's not any specific thing, it's just art exploration and putting the child on the spot to call it something can be uncomfortable.  Or because the child knows EXACTLY what it's supposed to be, and your asking lets her know that you don't know - translation - I'm not a good enough artist for the teacher to know what I made. " I'm interested to know more about your picture (sculpture, etc)" is open ended and the child can say anything about it.  So is the question, "Would you like me to write down your story of this?" and if yes, write it on a card that you can attach to the edge of the picture, so you respect the child's work by not writing directly on it.

    I guess the summary is respect.  If you would like to be spoken to with respect, the words and phrases used respectfully in the classroom towards the children teach respect all day every day.



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    Ellen Cogan
    Hilltop Early Childhood Services
    Hartsdale NY
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  • 21.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-20-2018 12:49 PM
    I am also not a fan of "boys and girls", "Now boys and girls, let's all sit quietly for..." If we are "all" doing something why divide by gender in your address.  Also "girls line up, boys line up, girls may go to snack, boys may go", etc. (the only use I can see is using the rest rooms if your school is set up like that).  Would you even consider having "children of color line up, "white" children line up, or typically developing children line up, children with special needs  line up"; of course not.  I don't want boys seeing girls as "other" and visa versa, we are all people together.  To divide children you might try "children who walk to school, children who ride the bus; children who are wearing tie shoes/velcro shoes, long sleeves/short sleeves" etc. It makes children look and think about which one they are today. 


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    Vicki Knauerhase M.Ed.
    Child Development Specialist (retired)
    Weston OH
    ------------------------------



  • 22.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-21-2018 12:10 PM
    "Pretty" and "smart" are two of my pet peeves as they are both difficult to define. "You're too pretty to cry!" is something I've actually heard and is damaging to the child because it didn't respect her feelings. "Pretty" also places emphasis on the wrong ideals for girls, teaching them that how they look matters, when in reality, it shouldn't. "Smart" can be damaging as well, as it can give children the idea that they don't need to try in order to succeed. Then, when they're faced with a challenge, they get frustrated in their own abilities and have lower self-esteem. Instead, we should praise specific things about the children. " Did you dress yourself today? You were able to button all of the buttons!" "You made a pattern in your structure. It looks like you worked really hard on that.".

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    Amy Latta
    Lead NC PreK Teacher
    "All that is gold does not glitter; not all who wander are lost." --J.R.R. Tolkien
    ------------------------------



  • 23.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-28-2018 03:49 PM
    I agree with all so far! Many of them are my pet peeves. I also don't like it when children are forced to say they are sorry, and when they are told, "you're ok" when clearly they are not.

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    Catherine Roach
    Milwaukee WI
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  • 24.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-29-2018 07:55 AM
    Great comments! I agree with not beginning a direction/correction using the negative "No" but  sometimes we all use the word "no" (be honest LOL) What get's under my skin (as a grandma -I have brought this up to the parents of my grandchildren) is using the phrase "No thank you" when a simple "no" is the message to be conveyed> Example, toddler going to touch/do something dangerous... Just say "no", and  thank the child  after the direction has been followed/completed . No thank you as 1 complete phrase is used if the child (or an adult for that matter) offers you something you do not want - say a piece of cake..."No thank you, I am not hungry right now"  I believe in treating children with respect - don't "talk down" to them. Speak to children exactly the same way, using the same respectful words/tone as you would another adult.  Another thought concerns the phrase "I am so proud of you..." I always say, You should be proud of yourself, I am proud of you too"  I haven't had coffee either so I hope I am making sense.

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    Karin King
    Education Consultant
    Trumbull CT
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  • 25.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-30-2018 07:51 AM
    I am really appreciating this discussion. Specifically frustrating was a recent experience with a toddler teacher telling a toddler who was biting, 'no thank you.' I couldn't figure out what that meant, and I can assure you the toddler had no idea either. In these instances, we need to be direct, quick and presenting the most concrete words a child knows. The politeness words are fantastic to model, but they are way too abstract for our little ones (meaning 2 - sometimes <g class="gr_ gr_540 gr-alert gr_spell gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim ContextualSpelling multiReplace" id="540" data-gr-id="540">4 year olds</g>) to latch onto.  Another pet peeve of mine that I hear way too often is 'use your words.' For toddlers and preschoolers who are relatively new to using words (not yet reading - typically), they have no idea that the communications they are making to get their needs met are 'words.' (my apologies if I'm repeating something already posted here) That word, at this age, is too abstract yet. Please, please just model what you want them to say . . . though again, I cringe at the statements of 'say you're sorry.'  Asking them to say 'stop' or 'no' or 'don't do that' . . . those are concrete - they can see the actions happening. 'Sorry' really produces no visual action for them to see happening -- yet . . . . But adults who model using these words with each other and with <g class="gr_ gr_2417 gr-alert gr_gramm gr_inline_cards gr_run_anim Punctuation only-del replaceWithoutSep" id="2417" data-gr-id="2417">children,</g> will have children who will eventually use them.  Thanks for listening.

    Kate Ross

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    Kate Ross
    Kate Ross, MS, CCC-SLP, Consulting & Writing, LLC
    Director of University of Vermont's Online SLPA and Pre-Master's Programs
    Early Intervention in Middlesex VT
    ------------------------------



  • 26.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-29-2018 12:37 PM
    I would add these personal pet peeves to the "words to avoid" list:
    1.  "Why did you do that??!" (hit Tommy, bite Susie, etc.)  (Since they were out of control enough to do it, they probably don't know why)
    2.  "Make good choices."  (Huh???  What does that even mean to a preschooler?)
    3.  "Say you are sorry."  (That is not going to be sincere so is it even good?  What does it teach?)
    4.  "1, 2, 3......... "  (Counting before consequences doled out - or threatening punitive consequences)
    5.  "I'm not gonna tell you again."  (if you are a toddler teacher, you better be prepared to repeat yourself)
    6.  "Bubbles in your mouths!"  (I think what you really mean is I don't want to hear anything....are you in the right field?) 

    Ha!  That was kind of fun.Thank for the giggle!  Andrea

    ------------------------------
    Andrea Dekker
    TA Specialist
    United Way of Tucson and Southern Arizona
    Tucson AZ
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  • 27.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-30-2018 04:01 PM
    Andrea:  I love your additions to the list!  Maybe someone could compile all responses into one long list.

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    Aren Stone
    Child Development Specialist
    The Early Years Project
    Cambridge, MA
    ------------------------------



  • 28.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-30-2018 09:51 AM
    I completely agree with the different comments about "okay?" and "good job." I think I'm always learning how to specify praise. Some have said that praise isn't as beneficial as we think for children. I don't agree with this. I believe there's a way to directly and effectively praise a child. I believe praise given to a child should be as individualistic as each child is.

    While I believe we have the capacity to shape how children give and receive praise, I think it's important to provide praise that specific child values. I believe it's more important to teach them to be confident in themselves and to encourage confidence in others. Many children experience a personal blow to their confidence when another child is complimented. To teach a child that they are still important if I, the teacher, praises another child can be extremely difficult, but certainly worth it.


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    Darveiye Flemming
    Family Literacy Instructional Assistant
    YWCA Tulsa Immigrant & Refugee Services
    Tulsa, OK
    ------------------------------



  • 29.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-31-2018 07:49 AM
    i have been enjoying Hello. i'm a new member of NAEYC and will be attending the conference next month.

    wanted to share a short blog about the difference between "praise" and "encouragement". 
    the blog is from PEP, a metro-DC based organization focusing on encouragement-based parenting. 

    in a nutshell::
    through the PEP lens "praise" promotes a person to seek approval from outside sources. "encouragement" promotes a person's ability to feel confident/successful from inside oneself.

    while the PEP organization is focused on family relationships I have found the techniques and information applicable to teacher–student relationships as well. 

    does anyone else have experience applying PEP practices to non-family relationships?

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    Beth Clawson
    lead teacher
    silver spring day school
    Silver Spring MD
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  • 30.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-31-2018 04:12 AM
    Thanks again for all these responses.  We had an interesting discussion at the staff meeting,  where I presented a chart with 3 columns- phrases to avoid, why,  and appropriate replacements.   Staff didn't really agree with *I need you to...". But I was glad to hear the discussion and hopefully create some mindfulness in the teachers choice of words. 

    Another once I brought up was,  "I told you [yesterday] not to do that", as if we never have to teach there children something again after we told them.  As if we adults never need reminders...

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    Paula Hance
    Zion Early Childhood Center
    Hopkins MN
    ------------------------------



  • 31.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-31-2018 08:40 AM
    As a veteran in the early childhood field, I continually hear teachers using the phrase" No, thank you", as the child is playing in a sink, playing with their food at the table, or even touching the handle on the door.  I personally could never understand where this phrase came from or why teachers  are using it. 

    I encourage teachers to tell the child what you want them to do, as mentioned in many of the previous comments.  My example is this, a two year old child was holding a piece of bread in his hand over the edge of the table. The teacher said" watch out that bread will end up in the garbage" the child got up and threw his piece of bread in the garbage.  Again they hear just the end of the sentence.  

    We also encourage and implement  Conscious Discipline in the classrooms, which again is a different way to communicate to young children, but it is successful.  The use of the words "Good Job" has not been heard, for teachers have learned to identify and acknowledge the actions of the child and celebrate those small successes. 


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    Janet Mincks
    Training and Program Support Coordinator
    Encompass Early Education and Care
    Green Bay WI
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  • 32.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 10-31-2018 05:27 PM
    I try to avoid gender labeling as much as possible, e.g., "hello boys & girls." This helps me to avoid unintentionally reinforcing gender stereotypes and it allows children more freedom to develop their own gender identity.

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    Shannon Green
    Carbondale IL
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  • 33.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 11-03-2018 10:26 AM
    "Girls and boys" I now avoid in grouping children, describing same sex groups...the children may self segregate by gender and race, but I will describe them by interest or location. We would never go "purple children and green children line up." That is bizarre...lol...I also question terms like "boy's toys" if the children use it. I go, "everyone who likes action can like that toy right?"

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    Lark Sontag
    Halcyon Park NJ
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  • 34.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 11-03-2018 12:15 PM
      |   view attached

    great discussion!

    how about "we are all friends here" and "that's not nice"

    attached is an article I wrote a few years ago on this topic.

    Take care everyone,

    Carol



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    Carol Murray
    Bard Nursery School
    Annandale on Hudson NY
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    Attachment(s)

    pdf
    power_of_words.pdf   746 KB 1 version


  • 35.  RE: Words/phrases you avoid in the classroom

    Posted 11-04-2018 01:23 PM
    I really enjoyed reading all of these post, and I tried to find a phrase or word no one mentioned yet but so many were already covered.  When I first started in the classroom five years ago I had a great mentor who had been teaching for twenty plus years and the first thing she taught me was to take out the "okay?" at the end of my request.  I had never once thought about it giving the children the opportunity to say "no that's not okay, I don't want to."  As a center we just recently talked about taking out the "no thank you" phrase since it doesn't really give children an understanding of why you want them to stop.  We also talked about the tone of voiced used when talking with children and how it changes the way children respond to you.

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    Ashley Byers
    Associate Teacher
    MCC Early Childhood Learning Center
    Flint MI
    ------------------------------