Jack,
You raise excellent points. I did nurse my biological children, and bottle fed the adopted one. Of course, they all have different personalities, strengths, etc. No way to know how feeding was related to any of it. Theory says that the one with the more severe allergies benefited from the breast milk, but, again, no way to know. They are all doing well.
BUT, I was raised by parents who regularly yelled at each other and at us, married someone who yelled, and did it myself. It wasn't until after the divorce and the kids were older that I was teaching an in-service group and in answer to someone's point asked "If you were a child in that classroom and someone spoke to you like that, would you want to go back the next day?" A major bell went off in my head. I was glad I was not a spanker! From then onward, I started trying to totally avoid yelling, except at a sports event or the like. I would like to say I stopped immediately, but still sometimes yell at my husband when I get upset.
My children and grandchildren would have been so much better off to have been raised without yelling - because yelling at people shows a lack of respect for them and their personhood. The children are yelling less at their children now, since I've been on their cases about it. Their homes are calmer, and the relationships are better. I do wish I had learned that sooner!
Worrying about too much striving for perfection is not the point. Learning more about how emotions relate to learning, about how brains work, and about more effective ways to interact with young children is ALWAYS positive.
An extreme example - I was raised before cars had seat belts and I'm alright. But others are dead! Since seat belts came out, my car doesn't move unless all riders are belted in.
We should always strive to learn more, to apply the knowledge, and to do the best we can to help children. We cannot control all the horrid influences out there, but we can and should control our behavior (words, curriculum, environment, etc.) towards those in our spheres and do what we can to give them excellence. This is our responsibility.
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Ellen Cogan
Hilltop Early Childhood Services
Hartsdale NY
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Original Message:
Sent: 05-26-2018 11:37 AM
From: Jack Wright
Subject: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT
The mother of our three sons was nervous about breast feeding so our sons drank formula. There is strong evidence that this factor would have limited their early brain development. However, my sons are alright: advanced degrees and stable relationships. Even my grandchildren are doing well: two grandsons with top grades in STEM majors and one granddaughter working on a master's degree.
All of us know that things weren't perfect in our backgrounds and we're doing alright. I have six of ten Aversive Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores in my background and I know many people with even more who are doing alright. My worry is that this doing alright thing is one of the elements that has limited our sense of the importance of doing the best we can with early childhood education.
Early childhood educators have been good at reading theories but have tended not to be very interested in science. The trouble is that neurobiological science is now challenging most, not "many," of our theories. Neurobiology is a tough read, especially if one has neglected hard sciences before. But even novices can gain solid information out of books like Lisa Barrett's How Emotions Are Made.
Yes it's work, but that's good for our brain development. Understanding emotion better is especially important. It's a key to resolving the difficulties early childhood educators have with disruptive behaviors in their groups of young children. This understanding is also a core issue regarding how we assist young children with all their learning. Children often turn out alright, but wouldn't it be better if we helped them turn out great?
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Jack Wright
Success With Children
St Ignatius MT
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