Open Discussion Forum

  • 1.  THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-26-2018 11:38 AM

    The mother of our three sons was nervous about breast feeding so our sons drank formula. There is strong evidence that this factor would have limited their early brain development. However, my sons are alright: advanced degrees and stable relationships. Even my grandchildren are doing well: two grandsons with top grades in STEM majors and one granddaughter working on a master's degree.

    All of us know that things weren't perfect in our backgrounds and we're doing alright. I have six of ten Aversive Childhood Experiences (ACE) scores in my background and I know many people with even more who are doing alright. My worry is that this doing alright thing is one of the elements that has limited our sense of the importance of doing the best we can with early childhood education.  

    Early childhood educators have been good at reading theories but have tended not to be very interested in science. The trouble is that neurobiological science is now challenging most, not "many," of our theories. Neurobiology is a tough read, especially if one has neglected hard sciences before. But even novices can gain solid information out of books like Lisa Barrett's How Emotions Are Made.

    Yes it's work, but that's good for our brain development. Understanding emotion better is especially important. It's a key to resolving the difficulties early childhood educators have with disruptive behaviors in their groups of young children. This understanding is also a core issue regarding how we assist young children with all their learning. Children often turn out alright, but wouldn't it be better if we helped them turn out great?



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    Jack Wright
    Success With Children
    St Ignatius MT
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  • 2.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-27-2018 01:16 AM
    Some of us are behavorists.
    Some of us are developmentalists.
    Some of us are constructivists.
    Many of us reading this know how to develop theories into practice.
    Brain research is vital and nurturing social-emotional skills is critical.
    The reality is we could do more than alright.
    BUT the reality is
    Many children spend most of the day with us.
    Social skills should begin at home.  So many factors impact emotional development and they get what they get.  It is what it is.
    No matter how we do alright.
    It's like this coming Tuesday.  Long weekend at home, wiped the slate clean.  We start all over again.
    I may have to read that book someday.
    Best Regards,
    Imperfect Mom who nursed 3, 🤯😇💖

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    Patricia Jack
    Boulder City NV
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  • 3.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-27-2018 06:39 AM
    But each child has a journey that is unique.  It is their choices, community, experiences etc that forms them.  I sometimes wonder if all attempts to "optimize development" takes away from that which is human- the human experience.  Our attempts to quantify, explain, record and perfect the young child's experience sometimes seem to me to be dehumanizing to both the child and to some extent the teacher. We think we can optimize the environment of young children and only give them the finest experiences to fully reach their brain's potential.  But aren't we missing something?  Aren't we missing that this is their journey, their time to explore, to make mistakes.  By studying and quantifying and expecting all of us to do "better than alright"  I struggle with the idea that maybe we are sending signals that mistakes aren't ok and shouldn't be repeated. I realize that mental health in our country is on the decline but maybe, just maybe we are over focused on "fixing" everything and providing the perfect "brain based" environment. I'm concerned this makes us more anxious because we feel we have to only give perfection. Ultimately this quest leads to the decline of experimentation, creativity and willingness to make mistakes. Perhaps the path to mental health lies more in accepting and understanding that "doing alright", making mistakes and taking risks even if you fail are ok and the foibles of our life are part of what can make the human experience rich.

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    K Stall
    Just a Teacher :)
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  • 4.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-28-2018 11:29 AM
    Christina and Patricia: great comments. We can certainly over-steer the lives of children. I only want to add that brain science helps us understand that we aren't responsible for our mistakes in the moment; they are set in our unconscious by our prior environments. I see that as freedom from guilt and shame. Our responsibility is to learn from our mistakes. Brain science helps us understand how difficult learning from our mistakes is. Again, freedom from guilt and shame. Thanks for commenting.

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    Jack Wright
    Success With Children
    St Ignatius MT
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  • 5.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-29-2018 08:46 AM
    Jack,
    You raise excellent points.  I did nurse my biological children, and bottle fed the adopted one.  Of course, they all have different personalities, strengths, etc.  No way to know how feeding was related to any of it.  Theory says that the one with the more severe allergies benefited from the breast milk, but, again, no way to know.  They are all doing well.

    BUT, I was raised by parents who regularly yelled at each other and at us, married someone who yelled, and did it myself.  It wasn't until after the divorce and the kids were older that I was teaching an in-service group and in answer to someone's point asked "If you were a child in that classroom and someone spoke to you like that, would you want to go back the next day?"  A major bell went off in my head.  I was glad I was not a spanker!  From then onward, I started trying to totally avoid yelling, except at a sports event or the like.  I would like to say I stopped immediately, but still sometimes yell at my husband when I get upset.
    My children and grandchildren would have been so much better off to have been raised without yelling - because yelling at people shows a lack of respect for them and their personhood.  The children are yelling less at their children now, since I've been on their cases about it.  Their homes are calmer, and the relationships are better.  I do wish I had learned that sooner!

    Worrying about too much striving for perfection is not the point.  Learning more about how emotions relate to learning, about how brains work, and about more effective ways to interact with young children is ALWAYS positive.

    An extreme example - I was raised before cars had seat belts and I'm alright.  But others are dead!  Since seat belts came out, my car doesn't move unless all riders are belted in.

    We should always strive to learn more, to apply the knowledge, and to do the best we can to help children.  We cannot control all the horrid influences out there, but we can and should control our behavior (words, curriculum, environment, etc.) towards those in our spheres and do what we can to give them excellence.  This is our responsibility.

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    Ellen Cogan
    Hilltop Early Childhood Services
    Hartsdale NY
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  • 6.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-29-2018 11:16 AM
    Ellen, you made me cry. My ability to cry over tragedy has been used up these days, but I cry easily when I'm moved by someone's progress. Thank you for your sharing. You help us remember that when we are open to our mistakes we grow. And when those of us in early childhood education grow the world benefits.

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    Jack Wright
    Success With Children
    St Ignatius MT
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  • 7.  RE: THE PROBLEM WITH DOING ALRIGHT

    Posted 05-31-2018 06:59 PM
    Thank you Jack and Ellen. This dialogue is a beautiful example of how people with seemingly different perspectives can value each other's point of view and get to the "heart" of an issue by sharing stories about personal experience and speak from the heart. While we continue to learn about early brain development and it's impact on children's behavior, I believe it is important to recognize that the human heart, too, is a source of "intelligence". Powerful and meaningful relationships with both children and adults happen when we balance what we learn with what we know in the deepest part of our being.

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    Linda Boss
    Instructor
    University of WI - Platteville
    Lewistown PA
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