Hi Joycelyn,
This is a common situation in preschool. Anticipate that you will have a student with challenges like these every year. If you truly want the child to succeed this will be a lot of work and I find it is so worth it when all children in the room can experience the joy of development! I have laid out my recommendations below:
PARENT COMMUNICATIONParents who complain about another child:
1. Make sure to have a description of the way you and your team handle challenging behaviors and support children's social emotional development. I always let the other parents know, "I am not allowed to talk with you about another child's development, but let me tell you about how we handle challenging behaviors in our classroom and support children's social emotional development, in general..." I always ended with, "when we don't feel we have the expertise to support a child's development whether it's for challenging behaviors or other developmental needs we reach out to community professionals." I also was sure to include that when challenging behaviors arise we always stay in communication with that child's parents. It seems there is always a parent who is ready to vilify a child who is not theirs (and that child's parents(s)). It is our job to protect our students and their families from this. *It is never the child's responsibility to make the adults comfortable.* When challenging behaviors are presented it means that our student needs more from us or something different than we are offering.
2. Then I remind them that we will continue to be in communication with them about their own child's development, thanking them for reaching out with concerns.
Parent of the child who exhibits challenging behaviors: 1. I want teachers to remember that while parents are the experts on their own child, you are the expert on classroom dynamics. So be careful not to "dump" the problem on the parents. Build partnership by telling them objectively what happened that was challenging, and remember to include anecdotes about the other times of the day when the child was successful. You'll need to be aware of the child's strengths in order to develop you strategies for coaching them towards pro-social behaviors.
2. First communicate with your director or teacher support person to develop strategies to support the child with challenging behaviors. With your team identify how the behavior interferes with the child's ability to access basic needs, relationships, and/or curriculum (all parents and teachers want these three things for students). Then meet with parents to:
- share what's going well for the child
- share your observations of the behaviors
- share your thoughts on access to basic needs, relationships, and/or curriculum
- ideas about find out how things are going at home (do they see similar behaviors? What is going well?)
- let them know the strategies you are trying with your team
- see what strategies they are trying and/or work at home
- make a plan to circle back in a couple of weeks.
3. If behaviors don't reduce then you may need extra support. Let the parents know that you want to be the best teacher you can for their child but you're not sure how to do that. You'll need the expertise of a specialist in order to understand more about how their child learns and what their developmental needs are. Then share resources that you and your director have identified. This can be heavy for parents. Give them some time to think about it and make a plan to follow up.
IN THE CLASSROOMAddressing Challenging Behavior with the child:1. Someone mentioned shadowing (when you move through the classroom with the child so that you can intervene right away if something is about to happen). While you are shadowing make it very productive by noting:
- Build a positive relationship with the child - play with them when things are going grea! Find out what topics they love, what classroom materials they enjoy, how they connect with others. Take them on special trips to the copier, to ask the director a question or to help set up snack, etc.
- What happened right before the child was triggered? What was the volume? How many children were in the space right around the child? How might the child have been feeling emotionally? Did the child make an attempt to communicate verbally before acting physically? Is there a pattern?
- Reduce expectations - help this child more than you normally do if they will accept it to reduce the occurrences of challenging behavior (This will let the brain take a break from strengthening the neural pathways that lead to challenging behaviors)
- Take every opportunity to slow social situations down: narrate what you see happening for all involved, validate emotions of all involved, model calmness, curiosity, and problem solving. ALL children will benefit from this, not just the child you're shadowing.
2. Ask your director to observe you interacting with the child. Then meet with your team and your director to brainstorm what skills you think the child has not developed, what the barriers might be to developing these skills, and what community resources might help you understand the child's development and needs better.
Addressing Challenging Behavior with other children:
- We need to support a child when they've been hurt or harmed, or their safety has been threatened. We can support them through their emotions without requiring them to check in with the child who hurt or scared them. We can be the person that helps them access coping strategies that will help them feel better - not the other child. When we force apologies it sends the message that the person who hurt you still holds the power over your emotions - it's as if you can't feel better until the other child apologizes. Instead we want the hurt child to develop a sense of agency about their emotional state and to be able to take action in emotion processing and self-care regardless of what the other child is doing.
- Also, I stress with all children that we are all learning and working on something. I give an example of something I am working on, and something they are each working on. We can appreciate that we are all working on different things. I also make a point to make a big deal (in a positive way) whenever the child with challenging behaviors does something helpful so the children may see that the child is more than "bad behavior".
TEACHERS
For yourself:This can be emotionally taxing work! Make sure you have proactive self-care routines in place, like actually taking your break rather than working through it, switch out with your teammate when you're starting to feel tired of shadowing, make sure your spiritual cup is full.
Please feel free to contact me for more information!
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Lauren Stauble
Adjunct Faculty
Bunker Hill Community College
Weston MA
feelthinkconnect.com
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Original Message:
Sent: 12-06-2019 08:34 PM
From: Joycelyn Rivera
Subject: Support on what to do with a child that is constantly bothering other children
Hi, I'm a preschool teacher and I have a child that constantly bothering other children. It's either hit, punch, yells at them for no reasons or when he gets mad at them. He's physically aggressive when he gets upset. He also used lots of potty words. I don't know how to stop his behavior. He's been getting some helped from a behavioral specialist but it seems like still the same. Couples of parents have talked to me that there child have been hurt by this child. I got to the point that I'm tired of explaining to the parents about the behavior of this child. My questions are; is it okay to ask the child to speak to the parents and apologize to them for hurting their child? Can I tell them that, this child is been getting some help from specialists. I would appreciate your professional advice. Thank you very much.