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Constant Crying Child

  • 1.  Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-15-2019 09:59 AM
    Hello Providers, I have a constant crying 1 years old female child who has never been in daycare. Now from what I am getting from mother 1. She has not been in a daycare setting, 2.get to do what she wants, and 3. get held,pretty much, at home. I only had her 1 week. The mother rushes to come pick her up once of work. She basically bogards herself into my daycare. Now I'm getting to a point. Help please!

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 2.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-15-2019 10:27 AM
    Also, is it wrong for me to have her ready for her mother's arrival early.

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 3.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-15-2019 05:18 PM
    Tamara,

    It sounds like you are frustrated because the crying one-year-old is needing to be held, which you don't have time to do all day, and that is taking a toll on you.  I don't know if I understand the rest of the question, though.  If you are asking if it is ok to have the child ready for when the mother comes, that is great.  Parents like to have the child ready when they come.  Maybe you are saying you have a certain pick-up time and the child is picked up before that time, catching you off guard.  If you know the time the parent gets off work, and she is there shortly after that, you can have her ready for pick up and not be caught off guard.  Childcare facilities, including homes, should have an open door policy so parents feel free to come any time to see how their child is doing.  I think your bigger question, however, is about the constant crying. 

    It sounds like you have an infant with an insecure-ambivalent attachment relationship to her mother.  This is just my guess, based on what you have described.  An infant with an ambivalent attachment style cries a lot when the parent is not there.  Also, the infant is more "clingy" to the mother or caregiver. It might not be that the mother chooses to hold her child so much at home as it is that the child is clinging to her and wanting to be held for insecure reasons.  The mother might not be aware of this, but you can be a support to her.  If you tell her she has an ambivalent attachment relationship with her infant, this might make her feel like you are accusing her of doing something wrong, so I don't suggest you tell her this unless she is open to looking for ideas that might help.  Also let her know this is only a thought, not a diagnosis.  Since patterns of attachment carry from one generation to the next, it is likely that this mother also had an insecure ambivalent attachment relationship with her mother and is just not aware of it.  Offering support is better than giving information that the parent is not ready to receive yet.  Below is a link to help you better understand the mother and see the suggestions in the article to help you as well.  Be cautious about assuming information about the parent that is causing the problems.  This is only what I suspect, given the information you provided.  Here is the link:

    https://www.psychalive.org/understanding-ambivalent-anxious-attachment/

    Also, you probably want help with dealing with the crying child.  If the clinginess is due to an ambivalent attachment relationship, it requires more nurturing of the child in order for the child to feel secure enough to explore the toys and your program and be set down.  It will take more work up front, but it will be most helpful in the long run for you, the parent, and child.  Allowing the child to cry it out will make the problem worse.  I don't suggest letting the child cry it out.  I am also aware that being upset or frustrated while holding the crying child will also make it worse.  Remember to give yourself oxygen first.  Be sure you are ready for the day and up to the challenge to be a good support to this child who really needs you.  I know it is hard to do this right now, but I know it will pay off in the long run to not let any frustrations with the parent be let out on the child.  The child needs you!  Do your best and you will look back and feel proud of your accomplishment!



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    DeAnn Jones
    Co-facilitator,
    Family Child Care Interest Forum
    & Director, teacher
    Discovery Place Child Care, LLC
    Bozeman MT
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  • 4.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 03:48 PM
    How many babies are you caring for? What is the age range? Are they all under 1? There are many reasons that the baby cries and cries at age 1. I would hesitate to say that the child or the mother has any psychological problems. Infants crave to be held and talked to in soothing ways. I would ask the mother how she soothes her baby. I would also ask her if there is an object that soothes her, such as a stuffed animal or something else.

    It is very frustrating not to be able to soothe a baby. Babies nervous systems are very fragile. 

    I would suggest that you take a look at the book The Happiest Baby on the Block, by Dr. KarpIt has many suggestions about how to soothe distressed babies. I noticed when I googled the book that there are videos and DVDs available that demonstrate the techniques that he has developed.

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    Nora Krieger
    Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
    Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
    Highland Park NJ
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  • 5.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 11:06 PM
    What to do with the mother in this situation? To me she doesn't make the matters better when she bogards into the daycare. I do know children can feel anxiety levels and emotions from other people. I had asked her to not to come in with all force.

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 6.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 11:55 PM
    Describe what you mean by her coming with all force?  What does she do?  Describe her actions?  Is she anxious to get her child because she seems to feel guilty she has been at work?  How long is she gone from the time the baby is dropped off?  Do you think she feels anxious about having left her child there?  Do her actions of coming in with all force seem to frighten her child?  How does the child respond when her mother arrives?  Is the child still crying at that point and does she stop crying when she sees her mom?

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    DeAnn Jones
    Director, teacher
    Discovery Place Child Care, LLC
    Bozeman MT
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  • 7.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-17-2019 07:46 PM
    Yes, the mother comes up my stairs in anxiety. I have watched her come up my 3 flight of stairs with out touching them in anticipation and anxiety.  To me, I feel if she is feeling this way, then she needs to have her sister watch her like before.  I had asked her why did she come of the stairs like that and what is she expected?  I asked her do she feel safe with her child in a daycare setting since she came from her sister watching her in her home.  That too can play a tremendous part of the crying.  The child since birth has been watched at home with family and no one else. Also, the mother stated to me that she lost her mother some months ago.  So I am like okay, need some help on this one. I see that she is in fear, in expectation of something happening in the daycare.  I have 2 assistant teachers, yet they both can not just sit and cuddle her all the time.  I have 7 other range children that have structure needs to be met as well.  I do not know, but I might just ask her again how do she feel comfortable that she is in a daycare setting?

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 8.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-17-2019 08:04 PM
    She is just a baby. She may have not been cared for by people outside the family. Mom works and maybe the separation for this baby is a bit much. Some children are more needy of holding than others. I hope you have more adults in the room with you, given that you have 7 other children. Too much for one adult.

    The baby may also be sensing her mother's sadness from the death of her mother.

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    Nora Krieger
    Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
    Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
    Highland Park NJ
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  • 9.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-18-2019 08:10 AM
    Hello, yes she is a baby who has not been cared for outside of the mother's home.  Far as my children, I am in compliance with the state's numbers for a single child care provider.  Yes, I have 2 assistance to help me as well.

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 10.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-19-2019 04:12 PM
    Tamara:
    Just as this child needs the opportunity to bond with you before they'll be able to feel secure and be independent the mother needs that too. Your ideas about talking with her directly might really help. I would invite her for a chat aspic up time--or whenever you're able to take ten minutes away from the kids (hard, I know!) and tell her that you've noticed that she seems anxious.  Ask her if there's anything that you can do that might help her to feel more secure leaving her child.  It might help her to know she has your support and understanding during this big transition to a new situation.  

    Do you ever have parent get togethers for the families? It might help her to relax if she connects with some other parents in your program.

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    Aren Stone
    Child Development Specialist
    The Early Years Project
    Cambridge, MA
    she/her
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  • 11.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-19-2019 04:19 PM
    Excellent idea,

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    Nora Krieger
    Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
    Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
    Highland Park NJ
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  • 12.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-18-2019 05:30 AM
    Hello,
    I completely understand your concerns. Most daycares do not accept children at this age. I applaud you for taking this bold step. A 1-year-old child is too young to have left home. I am sure that her mother had no other choice but to drop her at a daycare pretty early. Sometimes as practitioners we need to look beneath certain expectations and show understanding for certain behaviour. I am sure that the 1-year old's mother in dropping her off is trusting that you will be like a second mother figure to her. For a child who has never had any other care besides her mothers, this must be a very scary situation. Please have some more patience, work with mum and find out what the 1-year-old loves to do. She might need a little bit more attention and yes it is okay for her to be picked up early as she is trying to make a smooth transition from home. Once she gets to understand and love your daycare, I bet you will be struggling to get her to go home at the end of the day, which is always the case. 
    I will like to know how you progress with this.
    Best wishes,
    Catherine

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    Catherine Akpan
    Teacher
    Education
    FCT
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  • 13.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-19-2019 10:10 AM
    Our child development center and many centers in Richmond, Va, start enrollment as early as eight weeks old.  Having a one year old child in daycare is not uncommon, due to parents having to go back to work or family dynamics changing.  I would recommend the child having a luvy or blanket that smells like mom.  My recommendation to you would be to breathe, keep calm and have a calming voice so that the child knows he/she is safe. Our center practices breathing techniques with techniques from Conscious Discipline.  Normally there is a two to three week  process of crying and then you will see a child where the begins to understand their parent is coming back for them and that they can trust you to take good care of them. 

    Hang in there!!!

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    Carolyn Botts
    Staffing Coordinator and Supervisor
    Westminster Canterbury CDC
    Richmond VA
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  • 14.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-15-2019 10:17 PM
    I think it is fine to have the child's bag ready about the time the child is due for pick-up. When the parent arrives, ask them to check the bag and make sure everything is in the bag that needs to be there.

    I save children's art work and hand it to the parent so I can use this as a conversation starter about what we did, the child's participation and enthusiasm for the activity, and to talk about how the day went.

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    JodyJohnson
    Associate Professor
    San Juan CapoCA
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  • 15.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 08:05 AM
    Hi @Tamara Gray-Red,

    I can totally understand your concern and frustration with a toddler who is crying and wants to be held. This is actually very common with children her age who are starting childcare for the first time and is actually a sign that she has an attachment to her mom and needs time to form an attachment to you. She probably has a slow-to-warm temperament, which means she is slow to adjust to change in routines/settings. Both is happening to her right now. At this time, she needs to develop trust that you will be there to support her needs, just like her mom. In my experience, they usually adapt to your routines and environments once this period of adjustment passes.

    Getting her ready for mom's arrival can help, but I only recommend it if mom consistently arrives on time. If you get her ready for pick-up (which she will connect to mom's arrival) and mom doesn't come, you may experience more challenges. This could become a positive experience with mom, if they develop consistent drop-off routines and pick-up routines for her.   If you do get her ready, I would have mom communicate to you when pick-up will be different so that you don't get her ready and not have mom arrive.

    My suggestions from things that have worked for me:  
    1. Does she have a comfort item (blanket, stuffed animal, etc.) that she can carry with her.  This would be given to her, in addition to your comforts, when she is crying.  Over time, this will become comfort in itself.  We have a one year old in our infant room and she immediately calms when given her blanket.  She hugs it and sits down until she's ready to play.  

    2.  Give her the comforts she needs. If you're tending to another child, let her sit next to you and talk with her or offer her a comfort item. The more secure and attached she feels to you, the more comfortable she'll become with exploring and playing independently. When you can hold her hand, let her sit in your lap and play, or otherwise offer physical comforts, do this. She needs it and it will pay off for you long-term. 

    Remember, she's only been on this earth a few short months and, during this time, all she knows is mom and her home environment. This daycare thing is new. How would you feel if you were suddenly made to move out of your house to a new state and new home with no warning?  That's how she feels right now. 

    Hope this helps!  Wishing you all the best. 

    Tiffany

    ------------------------------
    Tiffany Smith
    Founder/Owner
    Teaching Foundations, LLC
    Columbia MD
    Tiffanyjsmith@teachingfoundationsllc.com
    Https://www.teachingfoundationsllc.com
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  • 16.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 03-09-2019 11:01 PM
    Hello Everyone, thanks for the guidance on my crying child. She no longer cries yet tear up the room, lol.  It took her at least 2 weeks.  I gave her some cuddling loving and took time with her.   She smiles and laughs, I love my children to feel that way.

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 17.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 03-11-2019 04:30 PM
    Tamara:
    That is so nice to hear!  She and her family are lucky to have you!

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    Aren Stone
    Child Development Specialist
    The Early Years Project
    Cambridge, MA
    she/her
    ------------------------------



  • 18.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 07:10 PM
    Tamara, I agree that the situation is hectic. Some children are like that. But, do you blame them? No. A child at this age need lovely care, warmth and protection from her mother and other family members. The child is not seeing her siblings or those from her home environment in your daycare centre. What is daycare afterall and what is the purpose of establishing it? It is an early childhood centre where children receive education prior to their entering kindergarten. The purpose are to effect smooth transition from home to school, prepare the child for the k-level, provide adequate care and supervision for the children while their parents are at work, on the farms, in the market, offices etc; inculcate social norms, develop in the child a sense of cooperation and team spirit. All these bulge down to making the children get ready for kindergarten (school readiness). I don't want to believe that you are taken care of the children alone. You need minders to assist you when this anxiety situation arise, you need play materials to occupy the child and children of the same age with the child. The crying child must one day fit in without you knowing. As suggested by DeAnn and Nora, try and get prepared to receive the child's mother always same time she comes for her. Her action tells that she feels for her child that lack her warmth and care. Thank you.

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    Chukwunedum Ikenyiri
    Lecturer
    Federal College of Education (Technical) Omoku, Rivers State,
    Port Harcourt RI
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  • 19.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-16-2019 10:46 PM
    As I read every post, I thank you all for the insight and years experience advice. It's not so much of frustration, is more of what can I do to ease her. She.wants to be held yet that is impossible throughout the day and unfair to the rest of my babies. Her mother lost her mother some months ago. I read in one responding post about what her more might have an attachment issue. She is very knew to routine from what her mother says. So yes this will be a battle yet with extra help in my home daycare the trust and mountain will be moved.

    Thanks everyone

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    Ms. Tamara L Red
    Owner / Provider
    Unlimited Red Expressions Licensed Home Daycare
    Danville Illinois
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  • 20.  RE: Constant Crying Child

    Posted 02-20-2019 03:19 PM
    I have had children as old as 4 cry a good portion of the day because they had never been in any type of care before. For a child this age having a set goodbye routine with mom and a hello routine for when she comes for pick up is ideal. Also having pictures of mom and maybe something with moms voice on it will help her calm down. For Mom's anxiety, I would start sending mom pictures of the child doing activities around the environment during the day. 

    I know for me when I notice a mom has some anxiety about leaving her child, I send her pictures throughout the day until I see that she is comfortable with the situation. This helps mom calm down which in turn helps the child. Also I am right there at the door for greetings for children who have never been in care before. The older ones I have an activity ready and my younger ones I find their favorite toy and have it ready for them to play with. 

    I hope this helps!

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    Temesha (Ms. Tessie) Ragan
    Family Child Care IF Facilitator
    Perfect Start Learning
    Family Child Care Provider
    Edwards, CA
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