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When mom has to be away for a month

  • 1.  When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-19-2020 08:06 AM
    I'm looking for books to help our grandchildren cope with their mother leaving them for a month.  She has never been away more than twelve hours from them before.  She has to accompany her own mother for radical cancer surgery in a far away city.  My husband and I will move in to help our son care for them (him and the house).  They know us well and love to have us read to them.  They are also in childcare every day and I expect that they will show the distress I anticipate that they will feel in that situation.  We plan to partner with childcare over coping with this stressor.  I'm eager for your suggestions.  Thanks so much

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    Teresa Hargrave
    SUNY-UMU
    Syracuse NY
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  • 2.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 06:36 AM
    Hi, Teresa. It's wonderful that your grandchildren have you during the time that their mother will be away. They are sure to have some big feelings and it is helpful that they have extra support. Currently, I don't have any titles in mind specifically related to separation but I did want to share an amazing social-emotional resource that we use at our school (we serve children ages 2-8).

    The program that we use is called Conscious Discipline. It helps children to recognize and manage their emotions in a healthy way and they have a collection of children's books that you may find to be helpful. The Shubert series is for older children and the Sophie series is for younger children. I have found both sets to be useful in my class of three and four year olds. The Conscious Discipline website also has free and paid resources, and they have items that are specific to families and home use. Using their program has transformed our school and has been helpful to us as we help to build resilient children, families, and educators. I hope that you will find their website and books to a useful resource.

    I will check to see what resources we have at our school and we'll talk to my colleagues for any suggestions on books specifically related to separation. And I'm sure that the network of professionals here will have helpful suggestions.

    Wishing you and your family well,

    Ashley
    Teacher and Curriculum Coordinator
    First Discoveries Academy
    Brandon, Florida
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  • 3.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 10:10 AM
    Thanks so much, Ashley.  I think the traveling mom already uses this approach and I will work on my own skills.  Appreciatively, Terri
     





  • 4.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 08:31 AM
    I teach college students who are studying Child Life, and will work in hospitals to support children's social-emotional needs. Two of the books I always recommend to them when dealing with separation are The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn and The Invisible String by Patrice Karst. The Invisible String might be especially helpful here. The premise that we're always connected by an invisible string of love, even when we are separated.

    Good luck to you, and thank you for the care and support you are able to offer your son and grandchildren during this separation.

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    Diane Bales
    Associate Professor and Extension Specialist
    University of Georgia
    Athens GA
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  • 5.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-26-2020 01:59 PM
    I have used both of the books mentioned by Diane for my classes and for my own grandson. They are really good books. I would suggest that when using them to make sure u relay them to the child care center the children attend so they can reinforce and encourage the children based on the text of the books.
    Much luck to all.





  • 6.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 09:26 AM
    Hi Teresa,

    I have not read any of these, but you might find some winners in the list on this website:
    https://marycarver.com/2017/05/childrens-books-to-read-when-parents-travel/

    Your grandchildren are very lucky to have you and I know their child care program will be grateful for the collaboration!

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    Karen Killian
    Texas Workforce Commission
    Austin TX
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  • 7.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 10:07 AM
    Thanks so much Karen.  A number of these will, I hope, be very helpful!  Appreciatively, Terri
     





  • 8.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 09:33 AM
      |   view attached
    Thinking of you and wishing you peace, strength, energy, and good humor!

    Attached one list.  Here are more resources--

    http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2020/03/sometimes-mommy-has-to-leave-and-you.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TeacherTom+%28Teacher+Tom%29

    http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/documents/booklist.pdf

    https://eclkc.ohs.acf.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/pdf/earlyedu-emotions-resources.pdf

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/books/books-to-help-children-find-hope-and-strength-in-stressful-times-a-librarians-list/2016/12/12/27f51120-bcb2-11e6-ac85-094a21c44abc_story.html

    Best wishes,

    Susan Waldman
    Practice Based Coach
    Communities United, Inc

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    Susan Waldman
    Communities United
    Lexington MA
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    Attachment(s)



  • 9.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 10:08 AM
    Thanks, Susan, I will explore these.  I anticipate that I will need all the attributes you wish for me, especially the humor!  Apreciatively, Terri
     





  • 10.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 11:19 AM
    Hello Teresa,
    I am fond of Syracuse as my daughter attended Syracuse: Cuse and meet awesome folks forever! With that said there is a site called Unite for literacy has FREE online books that either you can read to your grandkids or have the reader read out loud. The books are simple but interactive I use the site for my young students then create a sheet such : Draw Your Favorite Part Of The Story! The children I teach are 3- 6 Years Old.
    Best Of Wishes,
    Milagros 🌝❤️

    Sent from my iPhone




  • 11.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-20-2020 10:59 PM
    Hi, Teresa,

    I'm so glad to hear you are looking for books as a means to spend time with your grandchildren and for their coping during the upcoming trying time.

    I'm not sure what age group you are looking for however if they are younger I might suggest, "The Fast Rolling Little Engine That Could", retold by Watty Piper. It has fun little rolling wheels attached to the book. Another book for more interactive fun you can have together is, "Baby Games This Little Piggy, Favorite Rhymes and Finger Plays" which is written by Little & Woods Press.

    I hope this helps. Your grandchildren are lucky to have such a great support system. I wish your family the very best!

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    Rebecca Marks
    Lithia FL
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  • 12.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-21-2020 12:33 PM
    A book that has worked well is called You Go Away,by Dorothy Carey. It has a very simple repetitive text with illustrations that show different situations where the adult goes away and then comes back.  Your grandchildren have the experience of child care where they know that parents come back, so mostly they need reassurance that mom will come back in this case as well. I would also say, be careful of over-dramatizing based on our adult worries. If you and their dad provide consistent loving environment and routines, that will go a long was to support them. They don't have to understand the cancer treatment part, just that mom is helping take care of grandma just like you are helping take care of them.  Good luck.
    Dottie Bauer
    retired early childhood educator
    Antrim NH

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    Dottie Bauer
    Professor emerita
    Keene State College
    Antrim NH
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  • 13.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-21-2020 01:09 PM
    Dottie!  So simple and thoughtful!

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    Susan Waldman
    Communities United
    Lexington MA
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  • 14.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-22-2020 09:33 AM
    Thanks Dottie, for both advice on our behavior and on the book🙏🏽😃

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    Terri Hargrave MD MPH FAAP
    Emeritus Associate Professor psychiatry
    SUNY Upstate Medical University
    Syracuse NY
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  • 15.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-27-2020 08:50 AM
    Thank you to all of you for your suggestions.  I have ordered the books and just sent some of them - those mentioned by Diane and Dottie - to my daughter-in-law to read with the boys.  She sent me a picture of the 3yo's reaction to her packing for the trip: he crawled into her suitcase and assumed the fetal position, then emerged looking doleful.
     I appreciate this group so much!  Thanks, Terri

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    Terri Hargrave MD MPH FAAP
    Emeritus Associate Professor psychiatry
    SUNY Upstate Medical University
    Syracuse NY
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  • 16.  RE: When mom has to be away for a month

    Posted 10-28-2020 08:48 AM
      |   view attached
    Hi Terri!

    Right now your grandson simply does not know what to anticipate.  This situation is so far out of his schema.  To him, the best way to show his love for Mom is to be sad about her leaving.  But he is really pretty confused about his feelings, because mixed in there is the excitement of having grandma & grandpa on an extended visit.

    Take it slow through the transition.  Let an observant heart guide you.

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    Susan Waldman
    Communities United
    Lexington MA
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