Hi Nicole,
This response may sound very simple, but it is not. "Love Him Up!" I agree with you not to force the children to play with him if they don't want to. So now the challenge becomes how to "re-shape" both his perspective of himself and how others perceive him. While there may be biological reasons for his behavior, which should be ruled out, much of his behavior seems like he has learned in order to get attention he must "behave badly", which in turn reinforces his "bad" and "unlovable" self-perception. (this may be a coping strategy he learned long ago) Some suggestions - emphasize the behaviors you want to see and involve the entire classroom. Place a large heart shape cut out on the wall titled Ways we are Helpful and Kind to our Friends - on smaller hearts teachers recognize all students that demonstrate these characteristics by writing their name on the heart and what they did. This student gets acknowledged FREQUENTLY - for helping, waiting, picking up, listening, following requests, being a good friend, etc. Can also use a token system with a labeled jar and pom poms. Create an important classroom job for him to do - care for a classroom pet rock, water plants, safety inspector, etc. Have him help in "making thank you cards" for staff, administrators, other classrooms. Have him be a teachers helper and help prep projects, invite only one other friend to join in.
I try to look at "mis-behaviors" as a stress response - and the children are coping as best they can. Through modeling you will be able to offer more adaptive strategies. If you don't already, introduce a deep breathing practice into your classroom routine - 2 deep breathes for the whole classroom paired with a chime to mark all your transitions, deep breathes when the room is "too busy" for the whole classroom or with individual students as you see their stress level rising. The attached "What Do You Need" poster may help you identify what basic emotional need is not being met for this child, and based on that, you can begin to introduce activities to support that need - physical well being (sometimes a quick snack or drink of water will help) Connection-Interdependence (feeling connected within the classroom) Meaningful Expression (draw pictures of how he is feeling and have the teacher say "tell me about this" and writes his words on the picture) and Autonomy (provide more opportunities for making choices - which type of paintbrush/ crayon/marker, etc). Sorry, the file wouldn't upload.
Hope this helps - deep breathing can make a HUGE difference for everyone!
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Lisa Burton
Educational Consultant
OneJoy Consulting, LLC
North Haven CT
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Original Message:
Sent: 12-12-2019 11:08 AM
From: Nicole Fravel
Subject: Helping a Child Rebuild Relationships
I have a preschooler (turned 5 in October) who had a very tough introduction to our class. He came to us after having been kicked out of two separate preschools. With us, he bit a teacher, threw objects in the room, pushed, poked, etc. other children. His way of attempting to join play was to hiss at other children, take something they were playing with, knock their structures over or worse. We have been working hard, and his behavior has calmed quite a bit at this point. The problem now is that he has burned all of his bridges. We have a small class (11 children), and none of the children want to play with him. I don't feel it is right to "force" other children to play with him, since I think they should be assertive enough to decline someone who has scared (and hurt) them in the past. But I also want to help him get positive feedback in the form of friendships/relationships (which he desires) for he improved positive behavior. Suggestions?
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Nicole Fravel
Owner
wildwood nature school
Portland OR
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