My daughter was in my preschool class as a 4 year old - she is 37 now so this was some time ago. 😉 Our experience had challenges and rewards, and it led me to research this experience for my doctoral dissertation in the 1990s. The 'teachers called mommy' who I interviewed reported some common themes. First, they needed a supportive partner at home because this is a difficult experience. Next, they needed supportive colleagues both in the classroom and in the administration. And they needed help reminding everyone that they had a dual role with their children. Some teachers reported having a code system with their colleagues as to when the colleague should take over or when they wanted to handle the situation. Others had a consistent plan -such as coteacher always takes care of the classroom discipline. But these plans need to be negotiated with all the adult players involved because there definitely can be an impact. Another consideration is the reaction of other parents, but you aren't mentioning that here.
The child also needs support - yes, teacher is your mom, but right now she needs to be teacher. With my daughter, she had first dibs at circle to sit next to me, just as any child would be able to sit with their parent who was visiting. We just explained it that way to the other children. And sometimes mom needs to be mom. There were teacher moms who said they preferred to handle their child, and others who felt someone else should do it. Most of us were harder on our own kids than others would be because we wanted them to behave, as a reflection on our parenting. As you know, most parents feel judged by others when their child acts up in public.
Children at the ages you are talking about don't share their special toys well, so why should we expect them to share their mom, the most special thing they have? One teacher mom, working with toddlers, shared that her daughter would pull the leg of a child her mom was comforting, saying my mommy, my mommy! The younger the child, the harder because they don't wait for gratification easily. The child has a dual role, too, child and student, and probably doesn't have the cognitive capacity to understand that fully or to determine which set of behaviors are needed. It is very confusing for them. Think about open house and who manages child mistaken behavior. Children and parents can struggle with lines of authority and expectations. Clarifying the expectations can go a long way. And patience with what is developmentally confusing.
What would you do with these tantrums if mom wasn't in the space? This probably needs to be discussed with all the staff in a problem solving manner, not just for crisis management. Involve the older child in naming what the issues are for them. Would a hug and kiss before lunch help? Does mom feel ineffective? Would she appreciate help or does she feel that she isn't being able to deal with her child because of the situation of everyone watching?
There is do so much more that I could say, but I will end with saying that each case is unique and while I can offer some patterns to the responses, I can't offer a one size fits all solution. I would be happy to continue the conversation if you want.
Good luck.
Dottie Bauer
EC professor emerita from NH
------------------------------
Dottie Bauer
Professor emerita
Keene State College
Antrim NH
------------------------------
Original Message:
Sent: 01-20-2021 05:24 PM
From: Darcie Newbold
Subject: Employee's own children
Im a director and I'm new to NAEYC. I have a staff member who's two children attend as part of her benefit pkg. Mom is in the under 2's class but our little center is small so its easy for her older son to interact with her as well.
The children transitioned really well into the environment in the beginning. It has been about 18 months now and both of the kids have become extremely disruptive. By disruptive i mean disruptive to everyone in the building. These two young boys (age almost 2, and 5) lay on the floor and kick and scream if they don't get what they want. For example lunch yesterday included fresh vegetables and ranch dressing-the older boy apparently didn't want ranch so he threw himself on the floor kicking his chair out of his way and started crying that he hates ranch. We've attempted to accommodate minor issues to help Mom but this is getting out of hand.
I hate to loose her (as we all know how hard it is to find great staff) but its affecting kids as well as other staff at this point.
We've talked about parenting styles and ideas but its only getting worse.
I feel like my only option is to let her go. Im hoping you all may have other suggestions.
------------------------------
Darcie Newbold
Owner / Director
Darcie's Learning Center
Clearfield UT
------------------------------