Open Discussion Forum

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well. 

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Hi Kristi,
How distressing for all of you; I hope this morning went better. I have a couple of suggestions for you, and if you have tried them already I may have more. In my experience with children who have sensory processing issues that present as anxiety, I have found that using tools to organize their day at school can be very helpful. A personal visual schedule of the day (pictures of the different parts of the day - arrival, saying good-bye to mom, free play time, circle, outdoor play, snack etc.) that a child can carry with them and reference on their own or with a teacher can lessen anxiety about what will happen next. Small laminate pictures on a ring binder is one way to present it. You could also ask Mom to send your or print out pictures of their routine at home before coming to school. You can then add the same pictures you are using for the individual picture schedule and create a "book" for the child to take home. He could then read the story of his day either before coming to school or at night, as another way to lessen the anxiety about what will be happening at school. A third idea is to create a play plan with the child where he would be able to tell you what activities he will participate in during classroom play time. For example, visiting the blocks, painting a picture, visiting the sensory table. The teachers could then reference this plan with him, and help guide him to an activity that he chose.

I would ask this mom if the child is currently receiving any outside services based on his diagnosis. If he is, you could ask for permission to speak with the therapists who may have some ideas to help this specific child.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

------------------------------
Shannon Nagy
Hutch Kids Child Care Center
Seattle WA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Original Message------

Hi Kristi,
How distressing for all of you; I hope this morning went better. I have a couple of suggestions for you, and if you have tried them already I may have more. In my experience with children who have sensory processing issues that present as anxiety, I have found that using tools to organize their day at school can be very helpful. A personal visual schedule of the day (pictures of the different parts of the day - arrival, saying good-bye to mom, free play time, circle, outdoor play, snack etc.) that a child can carry with them and reference on their own or with a teacher can lessen anxiety about what will happen next. Small laminate pictures on a ring binder is one way to present it. You could also ask Mom to send your or print out pictures of their routine at home before coming to school. You can then add the same pictures you are using for the individual picture schedule and create a "book" for the child to take home. He could then read the story of his day either before coming to school or at night, as another way to lessen the anxiety about what will be happening at school. A third idea is to create a play plan with the child where he would be able to tell you what activities he will participate in during classroom play time. For example, visiting the blocks, painting a picture, visiting the sensory table. The teachers could then reference this plan with him, and help guide him to an activity that he chose.

I would ask this mom if the child is currently receiving any outside services based on his diagnosis. If he is, you could ask for permission to speak with the therapists who may have some ideas to help this specific child.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

------------------------------
Shannon Nagy
Hutch Kids Child Care Center
Seattle WA
------------------------------

Hi Kristi,

I wonder if in this case it is worth scaling back the drop off a little by allowing mom to be at school.  On the first day, she could stay all day.  The next day, she could try leaving for 5 minutes and returning.  The following day, she could leave for longer, until eventually she is actually dropping off the way you would expect. 

I also wonder if there is an opportunity for you to have a one-to-one meeting with the mom to help her own emotions and adjust her language/routine at home to help the child be more successful separating at school.  Since you mentioned that she is crying as well, I'm wondering if she's saying things like, "I'm going to miss you," to her child, and then her child is not only upset for himself but also for his mom as he may be aware she is upset too.  She could be encouraged to talk about what she will do when she drops them off (get groceries, etc.) without saying she will be sad or missing her child.  Perhaps if you are able to scaffold the drop off itself as I suggested above then mom will feel better too.

All the Best,
Sherrie Rose

------------------------------
Sherrie Rose Mayle
Director/Teacher
Campbell Parents' Participation Preschool
Campbell, CA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Also, the anxiety of parents about leaving their children in childcare often transfers to the children and the children experience high anxiety over separation. Given that there are other issues going on here that you identified, I think you should sit down with the parent(s). Getting some advice on sensory integration disorder and its impact on children's behavior would be a start. Usually, children with sensory integration disorder have particular sensory issues that the parents can help you understand. Discussing with the parents about how they handle these issues at home would also help. Perhaps professional help would be a good step.

Below, I will relate a couple of experiences that I have had with separation anxiety.

I have had this experience with a 3 year old many years ago. One question that I have for you is whether the children started now, late in the year? This can affect adjustment for children when they do not know the other children. Helping the children get to know each child in the class by pairing them up with children who have been in the program sometimes helps. One of my teachers paired a new child up each day with a more school experienced child who was a kind of "coach" who showed the child the "ropes".

Another experience that I had had to do with the difference in effect when each parent dropped off their child in our program. If there are two parents, perhaps having the less anxious parent drop the child off. This was a solution for us with a 3 year old girl. She cried a lot when her mother dropped her off but not at all when Dad dropped her off.

------------------------------
Nora Krieger
Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
Highland Park NJ
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Nora Jane Krieger, I am in full agreement with you on the following solution: 
"Another experience that I had had to do with the difference in effect when each parent dropped off their child in our program. If there are two parents, perhaps having the less anxious parent drop the child off. This was a solution for us with a 3-year-old girl. She cried a lot when her mother dropped her off but not at all when Dad dropped her off."
That said, we have found it beneficial to find simple practical ways (such as stick notes sharing the child's happy moments through the day with a quick photo). It adds an extra layer on the to-do list. However, for us, it is an initial investment that supports the building of a trusting and lasting relationship.
This is such a common occurrence at this age that we address it upfront with a plan during the interview and enrollment process.  Thank you for sharing!

------------------------------
Monica Jackson
Owner
Jackson Child Care
Springfield VA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-08-2019 09:14 AM
From: Nora Krieger
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

Also, the anxiety of parents about leaving their children in childcare often transfers to the children and the children experience high anxiety over separation. Given that there are other issues going on here that you identified, I think you should sit down with the parent(s). Getting some advice on sensory integration disorder and its impact on children's behavior would be a start. Usually, children with sensory integration disorder have particular sensory issues that the parents can help you understand. Discussing with the parents about how they handle these issues at home would also help. Perhaps professional help would be a good step.

Below, I will relate a couple of experiences that I have had with separation anxiety.

I have had this experience with a 3 year old many years ago. One question that I have for you is whether the children started now, late in the year? This can affect adjustment for children when they do not know the other children. Helping the children get to know each child in the class by pairing them up with children who have been in the program sometimes helps. One of my teachers paired a new child up each day with a more school experienced child who was a kind of "coach" who showed the child the "ropes".

Another experience that I had had to do with the difference in effect when each parent dropped off their child in our program. If there are two parents, perhaps having the less anxious parent drop the child off. This was a solution for us with a 3 year old girl. She cried a lot when her mother dropped her off but not at all when Dad dropped her off.

------------------------------
Nora Krieger
Associate Professor Emerita/ Chair NJEEPRE
Bloomfield College/ New Jersey Educators Exploring the Practices of Reggio Emilia
Highland Park NJ

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Hi, Kristina,
You have a challenging situation.
Since this young boy has a sensory issue, the fact that he and his younger brother come in crying has already tipped his scale onto its side.  With sensory issues lighting, sound, sights, smells, touches all can and will effect his overload. Would it be possible to set up a semi-private corner in the room.
Add a moon chair: the high profile of the seat will feel protective, a soft blanket and pillow to put on his lap will also add to his feelings of security.
Dim the lights if at all possible around the area, even if you have to put a partial 'tent' over the area. Think outside the box for a simple covering. Keep it a solid color, preferably light blue
Keep the wall areas blank or with just one very simple picture.
Add a few simple books to the area. Many book that are published now are very visual stimulating, where simple picture books will help him to adjust to the classroom situation better.
Add a plant, driftwood and river stone, a fish tank, or small class room pet to the area.
Place him in this area as soon as he comes in. When he settles down show him a nearby station that is simple and quiet. like a sand or water table, wood blocks, or an art table or coloring. Remember that coloring resets the brain in a child or adult that is in a high stress environment. This will calm his anxiety.
Try to keep the noise down to a dull roar, with NO classroom music. But the singing of a teacher, a simple repetitive song will sooth him.
I know that this sounds like a lot to do, but remember you will be a lifeline to this mom and her sons when you make this effort. You will prove yourself a trusted advocate for her and her sons, and help them along this new path they have found themselves on. 
This Calming Corner' is an investment in your classroom and can be used by all students that are overstimulated and just need some quiet time of their own, where they can choose to enter.
I hope this helps. 
Best of Hope to you all.



------------------------------
Christine Luna
Newborn Specialist
Parenting Coach
Only Happy Noises
Painesville. OH
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

There are great suggestions in this thread.  I echo talking with parents and finding out more about the particular sensory challenges of this child, and to set up a workable good-bye routine for the family.  I also think that every classroom needs a cozy corner and the suggestions for what to put in it are lovely.  However--you don't know much about the sensory needs this child.  Some children with sensory challenges need more stimulation in certain areas and some need less.  Some are sensory seekers in different areas and some are sensory avoidant in certain areas.  It's important to not assume what his child needs until getting more information through talking with parents and from your own experience. If the child is seeing an Occupational Therapist perhaps the parents could sign a release so you could speak with them and learn more particulars.  And it seems like he really needs to make a primary strong bond with you so he can feel at ease. I hope that he settles in more comfortably soon.

------------------------------
Aren Stone
Child Development Specialist
The Early Years Project
Cambridge, MA
she/her
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-08-2019 09:49 PM
From: Christine Luna
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

Hi, Kristina,
You have a challenging situation.
Since this young boy has a sensory issue, the fact that he and his younger brother come in crying has already tipped his scale onto its side.  With sensory issues lighting, sound, sights, smells, touches all can and will effect his overload. Would it be possible to set up a semi-private corner in the room.
Add a moon chair: the high profile of the seat will feel protective, a soft blanket and pillow to put on his lap will also add to his feelings of security.
Dim the lights if at all possible around the area, even if you have to put a partial 'tent' over the area. Think outside the box for a simple covering. Keep it a solid color, preferably light blue
Keep the wall areas blank or with just one very simple picture.
Add a few simple books to the area. Many book that are published now are very visual stimulating, where simple picture books will help him to adjust to the classroom situation better.
Add a plant, driftwood and river stone, a fish tank, or small class room pet to the area.
Place him in this area as soon as he comes in. When he settles down show him a nearby station that is simple and quiet. like a sand or water table, wood blocks, or an art table or coloring. Remember that coloring resets the brain in a child or adult that is in a high stress environment. This will calm his anxiety.
Try to keep the noise down to a dull roar, with NO classroom music. But the singing of a teacher, a simple repetitive song will sooth him.
I know that this sounds like a lot to do, but remember you will be a lifeline to this mom and her sons when you make this effort. You will prove yourself a trusted advocate for her and her sons, and help them along this new path they have found themselves on.
This Calming Corner' is an investment in your classroom and can be used by all students that are overstimulated and just need some quiet time of their own, where they can choose to enter.
I hope this helps.
Best of Hope to you all.



------------------------------
Christine Luna
Newborn Specialist
Parenting Coach
Only Happy Noises
Painesville. OH

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

Thank you everyone for your amazing suggestions! We have now ended week 2 & there is definite progress! The younger child has adapted well & is no longer crying at all. The 5-year-old is down to about 10-15 minutes of crying & then he is able to calm down & participate in our activities!!! We have found that he LOVES to sing & has caught on quickly to the songs we are practicing for our Spring Program, so that has proven to help pull him out of the anxiety crying that has been happening. 

I am so thankful for all of the input & hopefully we can implement some of these ideas as needed going forward!

------------------------------
Kristina Collins
Director
Good Shepherd Lutheran Preschool
Biloxi MS
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-10-2019 04:06 PM
From: Aren Stone
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

There are great suggestions in this thread.  I echo talking with parents and finding out more about the particular sensory challenges of this child, and to set up a workable good-bye routine for the family.  I also think that every classroom needs a cozy corner and the suggestions for what to put in it are lovely.  However--you don't know much about the sensory needs this child.  Some children with sensory challenges need more stimulation in certain areas and some need less.  Some are sensory seekers in different areas and some are sensory avoidant in certain areas.  It's important to not assume what his child needs until getting more information through talking with parents and from your own experience. If the child is seeing an Occupational Therapist perhaps the parents could sign a release so you could speak with them and learn more particulars.  And it seems like he really needs to make a primary strong bond with you so he can feel at ease. I hope that he settles in more comfortably soon.

------------------------------
Aren Stone
Child Development Specialist
The Early Years Project
Cambridge, MA
she/her

Original Message:
Sent: 05-08-2019 09:49 PM
From: Christine Luna
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

Hi, Kristina,
You have a challenging situation.
Since this young boy has a sensory issue, the fact that he and his younger brother come in crying has already tipped his scale onto its side.  With sensory issues lighting, sound, sights, smells, touches all can and will effect his overload. Would it be possible to set up a semi-private corner in the room.
Add a moon chair: the high profile of the seat will feel protective, a soft blanket and pillow to put on his lap will also add to his feelings of security.
Dim the lights if at all possible around the area, even if you have to put a partial 'tent' over the area. Think outside the box for a simple covering. Keep it a solid color, preferably light blue
Keep the wall areas blank or with just one very simple picture.
Add a few simple books to the area. Many book that are published now are very visual stimulating, where simple picture books will help him to adjust to the classroom situation better.
Add a plant, driftwood and river stone, a fish tank, or small class room pet to the area.
Place him in this area as soon as he comes in. When he settles down show him a nearby station that is simple and quiet. like a sand or water table, wood blocks, or an art table or coloring. Remember that coloring resets the brain in a child or adult that is in a high stress environment. This will calm his anxiety.
Try to keep the noise down to a dull roar, with NO classroom music. But the singing of a teacher, a simple repetitive song will sooth him.
I know that this sounds like a lot to do, but remember you will be a lifeline to this mom and her sons when you make this effort. You will prove yourself a trusted advocate for her and her sons, and help them along this new path they have found themselves on.
This Calming Corner' is an investment in your classroom and can be used by all students that are overstimulated and just need some quiet time of their own, where they can choose to enter.
I hope this helps.
Best of Hope to you all.



------------------------------
Christine Luna
Newborn Specialist
Parenting Coach
Only Happy Noises
Painesville. OH

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

------------------------------
Kristi Collins
Director

------------------------------

That is awesome, Kristina!  I'll bet your Spring Program will be a highlight for him.  Thank you for letting us know how well they're doing.




Kristina wrote: Thank you everyone for your amazing suggestions! We have now ended week 2 & there is definite progress! The younger child has adapted well & is no longer crying at all. The 5-year-old is down to about 10-15 minutes of crying & then he is able to calm down & participate in our activities!!! We have found that he LOVES to sing & has caught on quickly to the songs we are practicing for our Spring Program, so that has proven to help pull him out of the anxiety crying that has been happening. 

------------------------------
Aren Stone
Child Development Specialist
The Early Years Project
Cambridge, MA
she/her
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 05-10-2019 05:02 PM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

Thank you everyone for your amazing suggestions! We have now ended week 2 & there is definite progress! The younger child has adapted well & is no longer crying at all. The 5-year-old is down to about 10-15 minutes of crying & then he is able to calm down & participate in our activities!!! We have found that he LOVES to sing & has caught on quickly to the songs we are practicing for our Spring Program, so that has proven to help pull him out of the anxiety crying that has been happening.

I am so thankful for all of the input & hopefully we can implement some of these ideas as needed going forward!

------------------------------
Kristina Collins
Director
Good Shepherd Lutheran Preschool
Biloxi MS

Original Message:
Sent: 05-10-2019 04:06 PM
From: Aren Stone
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

There are great suggestions in this thread.  I echo talking with parents and finding out more about the particular sensory challenges of this child, and to set up a workable good-bye routine for the family.  I also think that every classroom needs a cozy corner and the suggestions for what to put in it are lovely.  However--you don't know much about the sensory needs this child.  Some children with sensory challenges need more stimulation in certain areas and some need less.  Some are sensory seekers in different areas and some are sensory avoidant in certain areas.  It's important to not assume what his child needs until getting more information through talking with parents and from your own experience. If the child is seeing an Occupational Therapist perhaps the parents could sign a release so you could speak with them and learn more particulars.  And it seems like he really needs to make a primary strong bond with you so he can feel at ease. I hope that he settles in more comfortably soon.

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Aren Stone
Child Development Specialist
The Early Years Project
Cambridge, MA
she/her

Original Message:
Sent: 05-08-2019 09:49 PM
From: Christine Luna
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

Hi, Kristina,
You have a challenging situation.
Since this young boy has a sensory issue, the fact that he and his younger brother come in crying has already tipped his scale onto its side.  With sensory issues lighting, sound, sights, smells, touches all can and will effect his overload. Would it be possible to set up a semi-private corner in the room.
Add a moon chair: the high profile of the seat will feel protective, a soft blanket and pillow to put on his lap will also add to his feelings of security.
Dim the lights if at all possible around the area, even if you have to put a partial 'tent' over the area. Think outside the box for a simple covering. Keep it a solid color, preferably light blue
Keep the wall areas blank or with just one very simple picture.
Add a few simple books to the area. Many book that are published now are very visual stimulating, where simple picture books will help him to adjust to the classroom situation better.
Add a plant, driftwood and river stone, a fish tank, or small class room pet to the area.
Place him in this area as soon as he comes in. When he settles down show him a nearby station that is simple and quiet. like a sand or water table, wood blocks, or an art table or coloring. Remember that coloring resets the brain in a child or adult that is in a high stress environment. This will calm his anxiety.
Try to keep the noise down to a dull roar, with NO classroom music. But the singing of a teacher, a simple repetitive song will sooth him.
I know that this sounds like a lot to do, but remember you will be a lifeline to this mom and her sons when you make this effort. You will prove yourself a trusted advocate for her and her sons, and help them along this new path they have found themselves on.
This Calming Corner' is an investment in your classroom and can be used by all students that are overstimulated and just need some quiet time of their own, where they can choose to enter.
I hope this helps.
Best of Hope to you all.



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Christine Luna
Newborn Specialist
Parenting Coach
Only Happy Noises
Painesville. OH

Original Message:
Sent: 05-07-2019 07:51 AM
From: Kristina Collins
Subject: Preschooler who is inconsolable

I recently had 2 brothers start at our center. One is 5, the other 3 1/2. This is the first childcare situation for either & mom is VERY attached to both children. The first couple of days went fairly well, but on the 3rd day, they both came in crying at drop-off, originally due to the fact that mom had discussions the night before & that morning about the younger child needing to use the "big boy potty". The three remaining days for that week were somewhat trying with intermittent crying throughout the morning until mom picked them up. Yesterday (Monday), they were back & both were crying again, however once Mom left, the younger child was fine & adjusted well, which is what I would normally expect. The older boy literally cried ALL morning until Mom picked them up. We tried every technique that we know of from distractions to consoling to ignoring the behavior & on & on. Nothing worked. I am praying that today goes better & that this post is for nothing, however I am completely at a loss as to what we can do to help this child get through this transition.

Mom put on his application that he has a sensory processing disorder that generally always presents as anxiety, but has not given us any indication of the best way to handle those anxieties. She is suffering from some separation issues as well & has left every day crying, then texts me every hour to check on them. We are only there for 3 1/2 hours each morning. I feel like her anxieties about drop-off are only contributing to the issues as well.

I'm just looking for some guidance on this one...been doing this for about 18 years & have never come across a child who just could not be comforted in some way. Thanks in advance!

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Kristi Collins
Director

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